-=l o s t . i n . m i=-

I hate the night as much as i hate the day.

2008-05-31T02:41:00.002+08:00

This is so random. I don't know how long I can hold, but im just so tired physically and mentally. I feel totaly devastated and exhausted. I dont like the feeling of tearing now and then out of now where and when even I myself dont even know why.

I tried to keep myself so busy, do housework, go tuition. Today I tried to go and change my laptop LCD myself. Took a cab there as I totally had no idea where the place was. Reached the building, I didnt knwo which level. In the end, I ended up randomly trying every level, and while in the lift I out of nowhere started tearing again, thinking about the last time I came I was still with you. But now, I am like an idiot playing with the lift. An uncle saw me crying and offered me a cig. Weird. For once, I was so tempted to take it, if not because it was from a stranger. By the time i end there, the person said it was too late to change that day as they needed an hour, so I emptily left the place again. I walked and walked and randomly took a bus to any mrt station. Took the train home but dont know why I cant control my tears even on the train. I feel like a total idiot. Walk out of the mrt, met a friend who asked why i didnt wait since you end work early, i didnt know how to answer. Had to hide my tears behind my smile and said i didnt know.
How long more can hide hide my tears with smile? Im tired. very tired.

I believed this is the fifth consecutive day I've been boozing. I just like the numbness after that. At least it stops my tears and my thoughts. Had a bad zouk that day. Sorry guys, I spoilt all your night, I haven even been to the dancefloor and im so drank. It is the first time in my life I drank until i puked. It feels bad. Mayb cos I have always had weak stomach to support such tedious action. Its so chou to break down at zouk. Thanks guys and shyuan for so being there for me. Thanks shyuan for always so being there for me no matter what happens. Thansk vince for the drinks and for lending me a shoulder to cry on. Thanks yew hong the encouragement and being there for me and sending me home. U r right. May be time will heal, I just dont know long or whether I can hold that long. Thanks to the many concerns from everybody else. Thanks but sorry I might disappoint you guys for not being the Christine in the past and not being able to pick myself up so quickly.

Have been waking up with gastric pain every morning. I know its bad and its probaly due to my excessive drinking. But I cant help it. I cant think of other ways to make me feel better. Maybe by making myself feel unwell, then I can find a reason to stay longer in bed to cry before I wake up. Not much place to cry at home cos I dont have much of a personal space or time,I can only pretend to sleep while let the tears roll down quietly. Last night, I had a weird dream. I dreamt that somebody gave me pink pill. He/She tell me its 'painkiller' for the heart. he/she syas its addictive and ask me to take only half a tablet. I took, and it really made me felt great. It made me felt as if im was floating and worry-free nad pain-free. Come to think of it, I think its some kind of drug. Is there really such thing for me?

I dont know what I want now. Read your email wanted to reply but I guess its just goint to end up more conflicts. I dont knwo if you think what you have done is enough for loving me or am I just too demanding and expecting too much. I dont knwo what to expect or what I actualyl want.

I want to break up reason being I seriously dont know If im just one of your favourite toy on the shelf, you love me but when you feel like it. I dont want to add to your burden. Just take it that im too demanding for you. I rather blame myself for all the fault. I dont know if this relationship were to continue, will you treat me like you had and hurt me again next time.

I dont want to break up because I want to believe that you didnt intend to and just dont konw how to be a bf. I dont want to because I cant bear to and its hurting me so badly. I dont want to because I still love you too.

Well, I guess you are already tired of being with me tired of all my demands and all my nonsense, mayb you will never understand me. Maybe you will never let me understand you. Maybe you will never understand my feelings now. Maybe its just so difficult. Mayb there's no mroe future. Mayb I wont even be around anymore tomorrow.Mayb i just dont know, shall let you decide what the fate shall be. Mayb I will never hear from you again. Mayb there will never be any answers to it all.

I happened to found your blog and linked to your friends. Seemd like one of your best friends is facing relationship problems too? Maybe you are more busy with comforting your friend, mayb you had better alternatives after all then to bother with me.

Mayb i really need time to settle all this. My life is too messed up now. Im tired too tired. I cant even settle my SIM acceptance. I feel like droping it and leave this place instead, to some far away land that nobody can ever find me.

People tell me to stand up again when I fall. But I think I had fallen from such great heights I had hurt my nerves, I cant feel anymore. Maybe I can never stand up anymore.

I hate this world!

2008-05-27T01:02:00.002+08:00

My life now sux. Everything sux. Im so tired from crying and i feel totally strengthless.

I finally got accepted into SIM. But right now I dont know why I dont dare to accept. I dont have confidence in my ability anymore. I dont have confidence in anything abot myself anymore.

I have a broken family.

I have a broken relationship.

Im broken.

He's still trying to talk to him. But I dont quite want to talk. because each time it just brings me to tears. I dont know why is it hurting me and affecting me so much. Im quite sure it is nothing to him. His life still goes on while leaving me shattered. Trust me. Any of his friends call him for an outing or a mahjong game now and he will still proceed happily. I dont know why sometimes im still waiting, I dont know for what, neither do I know what I am expecting. Perphaps I should not expect because Im used to getting too sad over disaapointments due to expectations.

He keeps asking whether there's turning back. But trust me, it doesnt matter to him. He only says and never meant it. Thats the only thing he is good at.

Give up.

Kill me. Before I kill myself.

werid phenomenums.

2008-05-26T01:07:00.002+08:00

its really werid. somehow I had managed to cry myself to sleep for a while last night and in the morning while going to the hospital, I realised that it had rained. The long wanted rain in the hot season. Mayb God did hear my pray and cried with me.

Mum cant get discharge today. She's still quite weak and not recovered enough to go home, and her ECG(sugar level) is quite high today, saw the nurse gave her quite a few injections. Pain.

Mum ask me why my eyes were puffy. I didn't know what to say, or how I should put it across, so I said I was allergic to the eye cream or some had went into my eye when I slept. Sat at hospital the whole day most of the time dozing off. Very tired and I dont seem to sleep well either, one small movement from my mum and I will wake up even though I know she's fine. Weird, even when im dozing off in the chair, tears were forming.weird.

Couldn't take it in the afternoon, ask my dad to send me home then i go back in the evening again. Back home, really tried to take a nap, but somehow after i lied down, i end up crying again. Weird, I dunno y. And strangely in the afternoon after I cried myself to sleep again, it started raining again. Guess next time when its very hot weather I should just try to cry myself to sleep so that will rain and people who are so scared of hot will not feel so horrible.

Cant concentrate to do anything. and now somehow Im crying again. Tears seemed to drip down so uncontrollably im wondering whether im really crying or something wrong with my eyes., cause I dont feel like im crying but some how i am tearing.

weird. I think im the weird one after all, I shoule be taken away from this earth.

-crumbled world-

2008-05-25T03:16:00.002+08:00

doesn't seemed like a good thing that im back blogging. Seems like blogging always comes to the last resort when i have so much to say yet difficult to express out verbally or nobody I could talk to.

bad days. mum's in hospital and im so tired handling thigns at home with all my personal stuff. Im freaking worried and sad to see her in pain, but im glad she can discharge tomorrow. Praying was never a habit but somehow i realised I had just prayed to God.

my relationship has been going really wrong, or should I say, I believe it has ended. Was looking forward to having a 1 year anniversary, had made some small thought plans to it but i think i wont need to use it anymore. Not like he will have any plans for me, its a sunday and he most probably gonna have so many things he need to do at home or he has got some plans with his friends or he's just too tired to do anything. Wont be expecting anything from him either, because at least for the past one year, he has not exactly got me a present or what other then my birthday or when he made me angry at genting. Mayb thats why I still kept the roses he gave me for the first month's anniversary even though some only had its dried stalk left, be cause its just one of the very few things he had surprise me and geniuniely gave me as present( not something he will ask ' I buy for you?') Even though when he say one to buy things for me, I have learnt to choose to just listen to it and keep it as a wish because most in fact none of them has even come true. Mayb thats y some of my girls tell me it is not wrong to be.

I guess I have not been asking for anything. In fact it does not matter to me whether he gives me anything or not. Sometimes Im just so so easily satisfied. Some sweets or ice-cream or even just a packet of yu yuan tan, or in fact, just being with him for the shortest moment, or just a hug or a kiss (which for very long I have never felt one that he had given me willingly) and im all not angry again and all satisfied. Even some guys say im too easily satisfied.

I cant remember when's the last time he tell me 'hey, im free on what day, lets do something together.' It really does occur to me that he doesnt exactly likes to be with me at all. Its always 'I have to do this I have to do that. ..Im meeting who and who... Im very tired....Its hot...its too crowded...Its too far' Yes all these applies for him to me. But when his friends jio him go east coast cycling or even to do anything... He will always consider.....in fact most of the time be there, as if the sun has never existed and will not be hot. I want to eat buffet....I waited for months. His friends jio him for buffet? no problem. Even though he dont really feel like eating buffet.

Sorry I should apologise for saying that. Afterall, you guys know each other for 6 years, I am barely with you for less than 1 year, what rights do I have? I should slap myself for that! I did not dislike your friends, but you had made me felt so. I seriously feel, if there's someone that fits his criteria in that click, he will jolly well choose her over me. What he needs are his friends, not his girlfriend. Maybe it IS really better off to be his friend than his girlfriend. Mayb he would then treat me better.

Maybe we just really belong to different world. Gambling has been a serious issue between both of us. I cant remember how many times we have quarreled because of that. How many times he had made be disappointed and neglected me because of gambling. Well I guess its just in him. I should never believe him once and again when he say he know he's wrong and ask for one more chance. If our relationship is a gambling game, I think it has become a lost game.

Just, I twisted my same ankle again. It was in such pain it brought me to tears. I guess I hurt the same ligerment again. I could hardly stand. Grandma called and I tried to control my voice to tell her im fine. Dont dare to call dad cos i dont want my mum to worry. Msged him. He called. But all he said was ' Are you ok? I just reached. Going to start my mahjong game liaoz. Find you later?' Sounds fine? I waited. hour after hour after hour even though im freaking damm sleepy because I barely slept much recently and had a long day. Waited until my dad is back, saw my swollen ankle and rubbed some ointment for me. After i belive should have finish the first round, no news, after finish 2nd round then drop me the msg to take care and happily went back to play another round I believe for the amount of time? Well what has happened to find you later? Bullshit! Its just another time of his say but dont mean it. Its always like that.

He feels that I always gets angry, but I get angry to get my point across, hoping that things will change for the better in the future. But it never does, and i believe it has always caused me to be angry over the same reasons. I have already felt that he was unhappy with me long ago, but he does not want to tell it? So? i tried to communicate but you didnt. You implied that I should give in. Haven I give in enough and give you many chances? You said i accuse you of not being good enough for me. I never expected much, its just that you are taking things more and more downslope. Its just so different in the past and now. Now, it just seems like time has passed and now you feel more that I will not leave you and thus i feel that you are taking me for granted. I did not restrict him for anything but i just did not want to be neglected. Like a toy, take to play and when not interested, just put at the side.

I feel stupid about myself and I cant stop crying. I dont like this. It seems like the number of times I had cried in the last 1 year is mre than what I had cried for the rest of my wholelife. I feel that I had changed. I should have stayed by my stand that I should not get into a realtionship cos it makes me weaken myself. I dont like the sour feeling that cant stop in my heart and tears cant stop flowing. Its another sleepless night. I dont know whats next. I prayed to god to show me a way.

Yew hong once asked me, why do girls always appear stronger after a break-up? I think now i have the answer. Girls are not strong, they are just better at hiding and pretending. Since he's happier to be his friends. I shall choose to go, to end him from being unhappy with me and in all the tortures I had caused him. Just let me be the unreasonable and demanding one. Im sorry for all the miseries caused.

I cant stop my tears from rolling. I better stop crying if not tomorrow dunno how to fetch my mother with super puffy eyes. But i cant help to feel my heart hurt. Kill me.

woahz! im so surprise im back.

2007-12-19T01:45:00.000+08:00

Its 1:45am. I has been lying in bed for the past one hour. Trying to sleep early but doesnt seemed to be able to. I dunno why tears seemed to be more and more uncontrollable nowadays.

Is it the down period again or what? I juz seemed so totally back in my bubbles. I think its time i accept my mother's perception on me that im introvert. I might seemed so always outspoken and bubbly and wadever but in me i always have difficulty expressing myself. Think mayb thats y im back here again baz......i tink im really Kaixin just in name.

Everything sux. Wonder if anywan gone through what im going through, to a point that you feel so rejected from the world emotionally that you just want to hide away, in some nobody can find you place. To feel that everyone around you are actually just a gust of passing smoke, and even the very person you truely put your heart in to love is just a illusion for emotional belonging. No, everybody is not treating me coldly or badly or neglecting me, everybody still smile and showed concern for me, but its just that how mat are genuine? Must it always be that somebody is down then you come forward and ask about it and show concern and remember to ask about the person? or how many actually do care even when its justa normal everyday.

ok maybe im expecting too much, or mayb im attention seeking. Its just a sad realisation about 越飞越高越寂寞。So old liaoz then i come to realise if I were to ask myself whether I have any very close friends, I not sure what to answer. Everybody moves on with their own lifes, most only look back occassionally to look at you. how many actually will hold your hand as a friend and walk the journey with you?

i suddenly feel so empty. Used to have like so many seemingly friends. I remember last time when i walk down orchard road, every few hundred meters will see some friends or have someone to say hi too~ i remember I used to have schedules of people asking mi out and I will always try to slot in enough time to meet up with everyone even to the extend or irrational travelling and wearieness. Now? i hardly can find a person who will put down what they have on hand to pay a little attention to me. Im sick of asking people out anymore partially due to scared of rejection and partially im not sure how much I am worth to them. Its just the same feeling like when you were in pre-school and when you were asked to partner up, you so hope that you will have a partner that without any doubts of hestation will be your partner always and you are so scared that you are the odd one out.

To dear, I've never doubt your love for me, but please forgive me if my expectations is not what you can give me. Im not sure whether im being unreasonable or over-expecting. But you just made me felt second-class citizen. So many things that i expect yet get disappointed. So many things that I remember you promising me but it doesnt seemed to exist in you anymore. I dont like to feel disappointed and hurt. Dont always tell me how much you love me, all I need is to feel it and not hear or read it. Dont tell me you want to be with me in my bubble or in our bubble, bcos I opened up my bubble for you before but you never came in. Dont always ask me what's wrong cos when it happened, i usually do not know how to express it up or im almost to theverge of giving up and does not want to speak about it anymore, afraid that im vulnerable to my own emotions.

I've always respect you to have your own life, to spend time for yourself and what you want to do. But when is it my turn to be in your piority list? not just by saying it but at least try to tell what I have been looking forward to with u. i waited one season after another, after you being busy with one thing and another, when you said you busy with your commitee, i waited, when u start sch and is stress with projects, I waited. when you are having exams, I waited. When you went overseas, I waited. how long more do I have to wait? Im also not very sure whether what i saying is making any sense anymore. Im just feeling so sad, it feels just like when you'r a kid, mummy or daddy or anibody mention somethign to you that makes you so look forward to it, but will end up realising they said it without meaning it, and what you have expecting all along was just ome words that escaped from the mouth of others.

Guess I have to go do my Christmas shopping along, go watch Swan Lake alone, go eat whatever I want to eat alone, go wherever I want to go alone, go overseas alone, go for all my gatherings alone and when people ask , I just smile and say he's busy, or tell some white lies to pave my way down the stage. I guess I have to make alternative plans to spend my Christmas Eve and New Year eve alone.

To all my 'friends' out there, enjoy your festive seasons with your friends. When will people treasure me like treasure them? Or have I not treasure them enough for them to treasure me as friends.

::: Im old :::

2006-12-12T03:37:00.000+08:00

wahz....long and tiring day......Mon, finally a bit of life returned to hall. Feel the presence of more living souls....hahah but now im the living dead....lol

woke up super early tis morning at abt 8 plus which is so not mi........wanted to go support bro for his gold-star survival test at Queenstown Swimming Complex. But before i even reach Boon Lay MRT, mummy called to say no need go liaoz cos he fail is 100m timing liaoz...
haix wasted trip....wasted sleep.... well, can't blamm larz...he's oni Pri 4...can reach tis standard not bad liaoz...

so i wasted some fare( adult fare is seriously not cheap ok!) decided to walk arnd JurongPoint although not mani shops were opened yet, Heeez~ saw tis Puma sneakers which is pink and purple, quite nice~!*haRk*hArk* (Santa Hint hint) Oh well, so aimless, can't even eat breakfast since i alreadi ate before i left hall....

Went for swimming training (on my own at Queenstown, how dumb), tried to accomplish to Nick's standard, but oni manage to complete 40 laps of freestyle and 60 laps of breaststroke. Followed by a few laps of sprinting....No joke kaez...Im old liaoz....almost died...the sprinting felt more like letting the water drift mi along.... The team ended never train in sch 2dae cos the pool was closed. wth! wasted training!

Back to hall took a short rest(and realli short)....Went wif Fred to go support our Hall VBall match against Hall8. Hehe~ We Won! Well done Hall 12!!! 5pm, went straight to games room to train Carrom. Haha~ i noe nuts abt it larz...can't shoot properly for nuts. Luckily got tis guy teach mi(Still dunno his name)....haha after a bit bit of training...not too bad ...finally can shoot some in liaoz...haha...Stupid Greg and Edwin laugh at mi say i cannot play darts cos im too short~ ARGH!

6pm, supposed to go for basketball training but i decided not too~ blarz~

7pm, came back changed into shoes and head down to NIE straight for netball training. No lights at first, so being the night-blindness rat, I can't realli figure out where the ball is. Was brutally abused by the mosquitoes there...wads new......wahz....realli old liaoz....i feel so slow and not active....im juz so lazy to run and jump, feel veri 笨重 suddenly...haix......put mi as reserve baz~

12am - Softball briefing, to learn how to play....interesting game, quite look forward to really trying it out during training 2mr =)

D&D doing singpost canvassing. Stupid Weiming ask mi wait for them to play Mahjong at 3am. Bloody hell, come back play on their own. Could have gone to sleep early manz......

2mr Softball training at 10am, followed by swimming wif Ailing and Cyndi, then Bball friendly wif Hall 9 followed by scrabble training, then head to Esplanade to meet William, Kelvin and Thomas theyall for dinner, muahaha~ Dunno whether to go for cheerleading training notz....

Wed Bball Match followed by Softball match against Hall 14,Welfare Duty also, followed by Carrom Training followed by meeting the council people for dinner then to Zouk....wahahaha~ So Exciting!!!

I hope I'll still be alive. Just in case im too tired to blog animore, the above are my itenary for the next two days. Bet im missing lots of other stuff that I can't remember at the moment......

--- Recalling the past 1---

2006-12-10T01:38:00.000+08:00

--- Recalling the past 1---

Ok...i dunno where to start blogging from again since i've stopped for so long...so mani things to write but so difficult to get them out....mayb im not so much of a expressive person after all....

ok flash back bit by bit....

Saturday/Friday (8th/ 9th Dec):
Spent most of the time at home wif my family...Trust mi, U'll realise how great it is after not being home for almost 2 months. Even if we did nothing particular together, being at home knowing wad daddy mummy ,bro and sis is doing is good enough. Being able to haf a simple meal together is so much of a blessing....Oh yar...i watched lots of shows too.....those tat I pirated from fredo during exam times and thoe VCDs tat i rented...

Oh yar...caught up on my sleep as well, more or less recovered from my exhaustion from exams and camp...so the rest of my effectiveness for this short hols shall b dependent on whether im lazi or not or whether my heart feels like doing it or not...

Oh yar...sorrie to those who tried to 'date' mi out this two days...I realli juz want to put family as piority...soon again ok~ next time~ i'll join u guys in all the fun again` ;)

Sunday- Thursday (3rd to 7th Dec)
Went for YVIP 06 as helper....my 6th yr in consecutive in this camp, but first time in a not so stressful role. I should say I seriously never tot i will come back to this camp again ever since after I end off YV05 which i screwed up totally. Somehow I tot I've put a fullstop to something which i always tot will b a passion for life. I wanted to totally disappear from SVC and take a good rest from all that had happened. If not bcos of Vick who ask mi come back and help and the little bit of twitch in mi to 'feel' in volunteering again...i seriously think i'll realli end my journey here....

I should say this year, as a helper, i dun feel as much impact that I have on people or wad the camp have on mi....but I wunt deny i see and learnt a lot and at the same time feel in a veri diff way...

As a helper, I seriously manage to step back and look at things differently. I see how the commitee supported each other through the camp, I see how Vick handles stuff and motivates everyone tru everything. I see how things can b tackled in diff ways...*Salute to Vick*

Also, another thing that made mi feel a lot abt was when i see everyone growing up. Somehow, I feel so happy and acheived when u see volunteers growing up. Im so glad to see everyone back. Daniel, used to think like he's so playful and stuff, but now look, he now handle the programme so well..... Tok to him and realise that he' no longer the little boy plays around but somewan which deep tots, somehow the topics that we tok abt now are so different. Well done Daniel! Jiayun and Siru! the small little girls...always so cute....I still can't help it but feel like they are the little girls i met two years ago......but now look at how they handle things ...They've grown up. Kok Wei and Meng Shyuan and Wayne, Hahah oni manage to know them like in last yr when we train Bishan Home for Captain's ball, then still felt like they are these grp of young boys who come and go for volunteering as and when they like. But now...they are totally diff.....all grown up and handle things so well...Haha...To the rest of the commitee and TFs as well~ Well done. ( I feel like im some old granny whos looking at things as a soul...haha)

Another thing not to forget was campfire nite, when all the 'old birds' come back. I can't help but to feel touched...looking at all the different batches whom i used to work wif, batches by batches grauate, go into army, come out, step into their diff phrases of life....I can't help to cry at how many lifes i've touched in the past few YVs and how mani friends I've made to let everyone rememebr every year about how YVIP once left a footprint in their lifes.

Somehow it rekindles my volunteering spirit again~ Like how can i let obstabcles question my passion for volunteering, how can i let ppl who are not genuine about volunteering to come into my life and shake my beliefs. I wish i can restart off my journey again~ This time i wan to take a different approach. A slower and more humble approach. ( Not oni for volunteering , but for my life in general).

Somewan used to say that volunteering is a marathon, now im at a veri tiring part of the journey, I hope i wunt give up. Hope to see smiles on faces that touch my heart again~

Same to the rest of my life, its time to stop and smell the flowers. To those who had stepped into my life and walked out of me again, Im gonna forget him to move on again~ Im gonna b as strong as ever....no matter how short my life will b.......

:::: Unexpected post ::::

2006-11-29T08:38:00.000+08:00

wahz....seems like its almost gonna b a year since i updated this blog.

And now that im back, its in a kind of funni situation. 8:39am in the morning, 29th November (Got exam later at 5pm), and im typing this in the library!!!! haha ~ weird ritez....Like everything is so not me.

Firstly, Its rare for mi to update my blog (which i hope i will more often next time).
Secondly, its 8:39am, what the hell am I doing instead of sleeping? Haha like quote from Ming Keat, 'Breakfast is never in Christine's schedule...' yea cos I hardly wake up till noon.
Thirdly, Im having paper later at 5pm! Last paper of this exam. Math II paper which i hardly have any idea of and have not attempted this module in any way throughout the sem... so, why am i not doing my last minute studying???
Fourthly, Im in the library!!! Haha~ Congrats me for being about to queue with those people outside the library to be the first 50 to enter the library!!! Any prizze for me? haha and any privilage for first timers? LOL~

Ok....Yea~ im here because I couldn't sleep the entire nite, so technically I still haven achieve to wake up early. And Im here in the library bcos I wanted to photocopy my student pass to give to the Singtel person when they come deliver my phone later at 9am. And bloody hell, the photocopy shop only opens at 9am. [...] So u see im here in the library with nothing to do, So im here typing all this rubbish.

Oh well, actually I wanted to blog long ago, but seems like never had the discipline and the time to simply just log in and type. (Except for situations like this now). Had a lot in mind and thought that I wanted to 'pen' down in this blog but yea~ I just never. Especially recently when my mind seems to be working doubly hard thinking (sadly not on studies but on Me and my life). So hopefully pretty soon i can type in lots and lots of blogs and thoughts on the entire yr that is almost going to end....

Ok, 10 mins to hopefully the photocopy shop opens on time. Well, gonna buy breakfast back to hall and continue muggign on my Math II, realli weak in math, im not hoping for any good grades, juz hoping to pass, so yea~ juz a simple plain and unambitious wish.

Actually not unambitious larz, considering the amount of effort i put in for this module, never realli touch it at all since it was a 'ta-bao' subject (ok~ yesh...very wrong mindset here). Last night then I start to panic, don't even have pass yr papers with proper ans to look at. Only panic when I realise I've been stuck at the first few slides for like hrs. Luckily I have good seniors in hall like Jaren...(muahah~Proud that I mention u?) (muahaha I realise he don't read blogs) nevermind...wadever, I so happened to be so pek chek wif math and open my door to take a breather out of my room and so happened that Jaren walked past, going back to his room from studying, so I asked him for help.

Oh well, he wasn't of much help academically, but he realli tried to attempt to explain. Advised me to juz study past years papers instead cos with the lecturer's lazy nature, they will set almost the same type of questions. Wahah~ but I don't have, so when to his room to borrow but he brought it home liaoz, he helped me asked Seth but Seth happened to lend it out liaoz...sobz...

Lolz, hopes not lost! Thats where technology comes in time....Just one call away, haha, Jaren called up to Level 7 Year 3 EEE gang member Hongda and ask if any one of those EEE people ( who apparenly were the only ones left still awake studying) to see if anyone have. Then we went up and borrowed Weixin's book. Wahah~Yea!!! Wan Siu!!!

ok, hopefully it helps and I realli just want to pass everything this semester. Never felt studying was actually not that bad afterall and quite contenting (Hope i remember this and this mindset stays through next sem and the next next sem and the next next next sem till i graduate.

Ok a lot of people I want to mention wan, nevermind, next time i shall have a post just for tat cos i tink its gonna b long.....kind of miss caddie (just 2 days after she went home from hall). Now left mi mugging alone so lonely, nobody to crap nonsense and whine to......

Blarz, Some kuku tootster juz walked past mi and stare weirdly at mi like why im in the library blogging instead of studying. I wonder if the word studying ever leaves their mind. And some funni cheena couple is sitting opp my comp terminal saying mushy mushy stuff, (wth, so early come library to speak mushy mushy....dunno how to stay at the comfort of their own room isn't it better). Funny people. Can't stand over-mushy people, makes my hair stands....EEEEEEEEEkkkkkkkkksssssss...(close friends included).

Oh well, just can't wait for the last paper to end. Can't wait for the busy-ness to start again after exam (Btw my december schedule has already been fully booked, Any further appointments pls make arrangements with me to b on waiting list).

Wahah, can't wait for clubbing wif fel, chieh, shyuan and all the council guys and gals....Can't wait to play lots and lots of mahjong in Weiming's room without guilt and weird stares.....Can't wait to b able to support Nat on PSS2....Can't wait to go explore and do all the things that I've been waiting to do...Can't wait to hang out and catch up with all my friends esp Jason, Becky, Shawn ,kelly, gym ppl, Raiden and aiya too many to name....Can't wait for shopping (but i got no money)...sobz=(....... Can't wait for soooo maaannniiii things....I think give me one year also not enough manz, not to say its gonna b less then one month...Muahaha~

Ok, photocopy shop open liaoz, enough of all the nonsense. Luckily my blog has been so dead for so long i doubt if anybody else comes and read...even better....muahah~

ok....till the next time im back~

---我不够爱你---

2006-11-29T00:15:00.000+08:00

我不够爱你 - 刘德华,陈慧琳

我想我不够爱你
我不曾忘了自己
没那么全心投入
所以会一败涂地

我想我不够爱你
我忘了你的用情
没办法重来一次
也只好听天由命

不能在没有月亮的夜里
也不能轻易地闭上眼睛
因为你会出现在天空或心里

不能在一望无尽的地方
也不能钻进那拥挤人群
因为寂不寂寞
都会惊醒我

我失去了我不够爱的你

----i don't know what to say....----

2006-03-23T23:54:00.000+08:00

okay....im a piece of shit.......i haf a screwed up life tat is affecting everybody else.....Stop self-deceiving Christine!!! U r nothing without the people around you....

Okay...i dunno how to put things into words....and mayb tats the main the reason y i end up screwing up everything in my life....I shall fail effective comm module....No! i already fAil!!!!!

yESH! fAIL! THATS THE Word for mi!!!! Adjetives for Christine: Failure! Self-deceiving! loser! Scarry-cat! Goner! Piece of Shit! Deserved to be banished!

okay I dunno wad else to say...always say i want to live in my little bubble.....in fact i tink i've alreadi did....tats y im hurting so many people and bring trouble to so many people around mi....sorrie to those that i've hurt or in one way or another bring trouble to....Dun bother to console mi or help mi animore....im not deserving of that.....Let mi escape from everything and let mi rott to the ultimate...cos i tink that the oni thing im capable of being successful now!

yesh! im gonna b gone for quite a moment.....dun bother to find mi cos im going into escapism hibernation.....tats it....im sorrie...though i noe tat sorrie is usually said oni when its too late....

Screwed up.....Let mi drink to drank my sorrow and bury myself in eternal self-dismay...i will feel better this way. Im serious!

okay nothing else to sae.....till the next time i can clearly express wad i feel.....im quite glad tat my blog has been dead for so long and long gone into history tat nobody reads....cos mayb i'll open up more this way.......
*smiling with tears at the corner of my eyes*

-= merely thoughts =-

2006-02-11T02:35:00.000+08:00

okaez...sorrie to everyone for my MIA from blog for soooo llloonnng...bet if aniwan else comes back here to read animore. Ha. The thing is tat usually when there's things to blog, im usually too busi to blog. And when i finally haf time to blog, that's when there's nothing much for me to blog about. Ha~ Irony.

Life's nothing but an irony.

Many things have happened. Many ups and downs; many tears and laughters; many illusions and realisatons, many confusions and escapsims. I dun exactly noe whats going on in my life now...Juz feel like there's this huge change in myself. I really don't understand myself. I tink im too sophisticate for my little mind to figure out about myself.

Mayb im juz tired. Tired about everything. Everything that im involved in, everything that i know and see and feel, basically juz myself. I tink i've lose sense about everything im doing. It seems like im juz living things day by day. Im so busi now that my schedule is controling my life, rather then letting my life control my schedule.

Realli been down recently. No focus in everything i do, not to even mention motivation and passion. I realli don't know wad i wan now.... In fact i think sometimes its not that I don't noe....juz more like i don't want myself to noe.....escapism....

Been clubbing quite a lot recently. Though i told myself im gonna cut on it, but everytime it seems like i oni feel better after i club, at least a little happier. And clubbing seems to b the oni thing tat can keep mi at the minimum level if excitment and something to look forward to. Good and bad....

Realised something about myself....Always thought tat i wunt get drunk. Well, mayb im wrong. I wunt b dead drunk, as in like totally gone or totally lose my sense and go around puking type, but yesh...i do get high and unsober if i let myself to... and seems like im letting myself get drunk more and more often nowadaes. Somehow i enjoy the feeling of numbness, but don't worry, i'll still noe wad im doing. Thanx to everyone who always take care of mi when im like unsober...

Okaez...life to mi now realli seems meaningless, as much as i noe there are meaning to the things im doing, im juz tired. Tired about everything that i've been trying to hang on to. Somehow Im tired of waiting for things that seems like they will never happen.

Gone. What is life but merely 100 years to a century, 10 years to a decade, 365 days to a year, a year to 12 months, 1 month to 4 weeks, 1week to 7 days, 1 day to 24 hrs, 1 hr to 60 mins, 1min to 60 secs. All about life is to find things to do to fulfil these timings. How long more can i last? Im sick of hiding myself behind my happy face. Mayb Lao-na is right, my plate is too small for what i've taken and things are overflowing.... The metal frame is giving way. I don't noe how long more i can last before my inner-self breaks down. Lets juz hope its not so soon, so that at least i can fulfil wad is deemed as my responsibilities....

-== e x p r e s s o ==-

2005-10-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

Boo~ Juz came back from my 1 hr break from studying......hahah` tats to watch TV at TV lounge...9-10pm every weekday...im sure there to watch....my favourite show!!!! the NKF Children show on Chn8!!!

I'll never get sick of that show....the oni show that i 'chase' to watch...every season...every epidsode......It never fails to touch mi and rekindles my volunteering spirit..... Especially this epidsode got my favourite actor and actress, 7-1-5 and Rui'En....hehe~ I like to see them together...haha perfect match~ *GeEz*

2dae's show very touching...i teared twice......*sobz* so embarrassing to tear when watching show in a public TV lounge... I teared when FangLin scolded her sis and disowned her when Fang Fang refused to let him donate liver to Wei'an...Haix.....Standing on a sister's point of view....realli veri disheartening manz.... One side she's realli tinking for the good of him, yet not being appreciated....(sobz...im tink im gonna tear again while i recall...sobz...im a cry-baby..)...Somemore She had spent so much effort on him and loved him the most.....Haix....if Cedric ever does that to mi...I realli can't imagine how I will feel manz...My bro...my dear dear bro...oopse....i miss him...shall go home tis weekend to pai him~

Haix....but on the other hand (oopse...sounds like GP), Fan-lin did it out of love for Wei'an larz....even want to marry her just so as to be able to donate liver to her legally....Haix....'Ai qin so Wei da'... Mayb love realli drives ppl to do anithing baz...

Hmmm...I want to do social work... FOR LIFE!!!! Haix....but still have to ans to the practicality of life to feed myself and my family.....

Oh yar....and while watching TV...I was reading magazine.....The Lime Magazine September 2005 edition given from the goodie bag from Jieyu and Febri's party at Indochine. Wahz...its so funnily related to mi, like as if i know sooo many people in the world.....First...there was an article abt the NTU Union's Bash written by Peggy Chua NTU Communication Studies Student (Peggy the NY Senior? I've been seeing her like almost everyday nowdaes! Dunno y...) Next to it, it was another article featuring on a dancer from the NYP Foreign Bodies Dance Society(R&B Hip hop dance club) that i planned to join when i was in NYP...And guess wad...the article was writeen by a Media-Studies student!!! My ex-course!!! Miss it! Next...was this whole article on wakeboarding!!! WAHz!!!!! OH yar!!! Also got the results on Project Pilot ....Most of the winners for professional catogogy focused on a documentary-reality TV route...so nice...I like....I've always wanted to do a documenatary-reality type of show for volunteerism....

Okaez....Here's the plan!!! CHRISTINE's LIFETIME BIGGG GOAL!!!! THE SMALL GIRL WITH THE BIG BIG DREAM!!!!!

1. Im gonna work veri veri veri veri hard for the coming exam and for the next sem!
2. Appeal for change of course to communication studies by next yr (pray hard!)
3. Work even harder and build up a good media portfolio.
4. Graduate with good results!
5. Work hard in the media field... Be it in advertising or productions.
6. Earn enough money....Take up a private course on Social work....
7. Continue my media-related work and focus into the arena of social issues and social work as my focus.
8. Make a difference to the society as much as i can..
9. Retire as a fulfilled person and continue even more volunteering and inspirational work!!!!

Wahz!!!! Its gonna b lots of hard work and determination and perserverance!!! C'mon Chris!!! I CAN DO IT!!!! I shall reach for my goal!!!! Everyone around mi!!!! Remind mi of my dreams and help mi work towards it!!!!

Okay~ Shall not speak no action. End off here.....shall go and mugg hard now as part of achieving my goal~~~ GaMbeTtA!!!

----Boo...-----

2005-10-27T12:18:00.000+08:00

Gosh~ im actually typing my blog now in Lee Wee Nam Library......Argh! Exams next week!!! And there's still so much more to study!!!!

Im gonna camp in the library everyday till late from now on o mugg my heads off....just like during A-levels.....

Haix.....feel so weak 2dae...didn't sleep well last nite...... have been waking up in the middle of the night either due to funni noises or because of the rabbits chasing each other in the middle of the night in the cage. Aniwae getting quite paranoid recently...the rabbits are growing so BIG!!! And all they do everyday are just eat, sleep and shit!!! I tink one day they're gonna grow soooo BIGGG!!! THE RABBITS ARE GONNA EAT MI UP ONE DAY!!!!

BLarz.....is it due to my stressness...im having illusions....Haix...there's sooooo mani things to settle!!!! YV stuff....exams....JCRC Stuff....my life...( do i haf one now?!?!)....My mind is exploding....Can't even eat or sleep in peace....hope the days can be over soon.....25th NOV!! LAST PAPER!!!!

I've got sooo mani tings I want to do after exams...but i tink my schedule has already been fully packed. So ani other dates or outings...pls book mi earlier so tat i can arrange my time. Gonna b soooo busi wif Hall stuff....Busi wif JCRC meetings, my social subcom meetings, cheerleading trainings, swimming training, netball trainings, JHOC meetings....So mani.......Plus Im gonna put my heads and minds into running YV....gonna b busi with volunteering...which I miss qutie a lot.....Still got this 'Kids Camp' thing that I signed up in sch frm 27th-29th Dec...quite looking forward to it...veri long never do direct volunteering...miss the smilez...

Haix....Gonna b busi earning money too~ Took up like 4 tuitions liaoz....one P3/P5 (Eng/Math)twice a week x 2hr at Boon Lay-$300, another wan Sec2 (Eng/E.Lit/Math/Sci/Humans) twice a week x 2hr at Serangoon-$400, then my Sec 4 Seletar Camp Math every sat morning x 2Hr-$160, then a JC1 GP every sunday 4-6p.m- $280.....If everything goes on well my montly income will be $1140...WOAHZ! Then I no need take money from daddy and mummy liaoz.....

Tink its manageable....but its gonna b damm tiring...wad to do...tats life....Life is hard...gonna realli push myself to the limit if i wan the best of life.....Haix...hope I can take it!

GAmBetTa ChRisTiNe!!!!!!

_t u r n i n g. c r a z i

2005-10-18T12:52:00.000+08:00

Gosh! Im turning crazi!!!!! Im so stressed up now by everything?!?!?!

ArgHHHH!!!!!! All the symptomes of stress are reviling~~~So mani things to do and sooooooo little time!!!!!

I feel like hiding in my room alone all the time....I panic and feel pek chek at the ring of my phone or when hearing the msg tone...or even the soudn for MSN! I noe I have a lot of things to do but i dun feel like doing anitink...or shld I sae i can't get myself to settle down to complete aniting......

I juz bought a pack of chicken chop from can13, changing all the fries and beans and everything else to coleslaw...but i end up finishing oni the coleslaw then now left one big piece of the chicken chop and i feel like vomitting readi......*SiCk!*

Im subconciously holding my breathe for short pauses...not being able to breathe properly....im subconciously plucking my hair while im trying to study... Im starting to blubber nonsense more and more juz like what im doing now!~~~ HELP~!~!~!

ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!ArGh!

+ -= r e b i r t h =-+

2005-10-17T05:13:00.000+08:00

+ -= R e b i r t h =-+

Its really since stone ages ago that i last did anything about my blog. Now..its up and going again!!! Yeah~!Finally...Haix...I really tink im crazi....i actually spent time doing up my blog skin and typing blog now?!? like now?!? 5am in the morning with sch at 8am later? When everyone's mugging for exam and im supposed to mug too? Hiax...and when i've got so mani more other things waiting for mi to settle??? Y did i actually have time to do all these crap?!!! Well, I guess i gave up on pioritising for this once to do something really for myself and something i realli feel like doing. Im quite deprived from personal time for tooo long...In short...i tink im going crazi~ blarz~

Kaez.....for the soooo long that i've been missing from my bloggies....too many things happened in my life. So many that i dun tink i want to bother go and remember and account for them one by one again...Everything juz happened so fast and so sudden that they seemed to be juz passing winds of my life....Haix...Shall juz let everything remain in my memories.....

While doing up my blog, and when im doing up the links to my friends, I realised that I've been missing on my friends for very long. I haven been making the effort to go and find out how's everyone doing and even to keep in contact with them. I miss everyone. I miss all my dearies in St'nicks, jianing, zhiqi, daryl, shin,raf,van, qin,sue, pink etc etc etc...i miss all my times in 4Grace....and also all the SNGYM ppl... and all the training days and Huang... I miss all the dudes in CJC for first 3 months. All those craps and fun we had...I miss all my volunteering friends...Becky my ultimate darling, gary, kevin, junwen, jason so many so many....ANd of cos ....those peeps in NYJC, Ah poh, cline, ah ru, shyuanie, joan, the smart but crap guys of S3E...and definately i miss my 26th council......everyone.....my dear Aesthec memebers,cheryl, xinhui, chieh,fish, ping ping, feli, febri, rayze, kok, angel,jayne, bird, jasmine-.l, andre....everyone who have all been all so dear to me... Even for the very short time i spent in NYP...I miss all my friends in MS0502, mich dear, clor, jace, yuran, all the girls and guys that were like little bros and sis to me but definately so fun to be with....I miss everyone!!!

Last but not least, I really miss one person...somewan that im starting to wonder if i've lost tis friendship. We used to spend almost everyday together, spending every little thing we know and sharing everything we could....now, there seemed to be this unknown boundary between us. I realli miss shawn. Realli...I dunno what went wrong, haf I done anything wrong or was there juz something wrong tat resulted in the distances between us. I wish i noe...Im typing tis veri bluntly cos i dun tink she will ever read this aniwae...somehow things juz changed so suddenly and without me knowing y...im realli hurt by it...(i feel like crying...). I admit im veri much affected by her change in attitude towards mi...i realli wish to know y... was reading her blog juz now....she seemed to be happi now....happi wif her life in hall....happi with her boyfriend....im happi for her...though i dunno y im feeling sad that i can only read abt her from her blog. All the best.

Mayb its something wrong with mi. Suddenly got this feeling that i've realli been too busi with so mani things that i've neglected the relationships in my life. I tink I've taken friends too much for granted. I've always been so rushing for time that I can't remember when's the last time i sat down to juz haf coffee with my friends or hang out without having ani other worries or having to rush off to some other 'work'. When's the last time i actually got the time to sit down and listen to my friends with my heart...When's the last time i meet up with friends purely for catching up and not for work...I have to admit that I do have a huge network of friends, so many that some people might envy, but deep down i have to admit that out of all the many that i stop and say hi to...how many do i actually truely noe? All but juz 'hi-bye' friends, in fact some that i have to admit i dun realli remember if i noe them.

I tink im tired. Tired of the life im having. I want to settle down...I want to spend time embracing the moments i have with my families and friends.. I want to spend time remembering my friend's' birthdaysI really feel like settling down once this episode of my life is over.....

-A princess,but a lonely life. ...how happy can it be?-

|||| p e r s p e c t o g r a p h y ||||

2005-05-20T09:54:00.000+08:00

p e r s p e c t o g r a p h y

Life is all about perspectives. Everything that we look at, everything that we thing about, it is affected by our persepctives towards it. Judging things by perspections is already a character that we have no control over. It might be because it is just human instinct or we have been brought up to automatically judge things and have our own perspectives.

Good or bad? It is unjustified. But I believe that there is always a thin line between what is right and what is wrong. It might not be wrong for us to judge on first impression but it is always prefered to be done with a open-mind.

Also, it really matters on how we want to look at things. Living in this world, everything exist in different colours and different forms. God must have created the world to be 3D for a reason. It might not be easy, but we have to learn to see things from many different views and angles. Every different views will give us a new perspectives. be it to change our mindset on something, or to introduce us to a brand new way of knowing something.

Some people might feel that its difficult. Might many did not realise that they have already been looking at things from different angles, just that they might not realise it. Some people find it easier to do it, while some people just refuse the fact that they can do it.

Now that I've entered the world of the media, perspectives appear to me to be even more mysterious and dangerous by ever. Media have huge and unexpected influence over many many many people. So many that we sometimes cannot imagine. It is realli important for me to be cautious of how I look at things because it might just affect the way I will portray things out to the mass.How people look at what I've put forward, is another thing that I might need lots of time to figure out.

Looking out into the world through a Kaleidoscope. It is beautiful, colourful and ever changing. But waht I actually see is dependent on my own hands. One little shake or a turn will change completely what appears in front of my eyes. Also, seeing what is in the kaleidiscope are merely reflections of a small area to give the illusions of a bigger area. What is outside the Kaleidoscope is another nigger picture for me to explore......

---===== m y . l i f e ======---

2005-04-18T00:41:00.000+08:00

---===== m y . l i f e ======---

okaez.....my life has been in a big super rush....so many things happened all at the same time, feelings go like a wild roller coaster, ups and downs are extreme. I almost get lost in myself , not knowing exactly what's going on and what had happened. Life has been great in some sense and terrible in some. Great in that I've felt like so many new things have happened, and bad in the sense that i've lost my directions in thsi process of growing up....

#-#-# m a m b o c r a z e #-#-#

2005-03-19T14:27:00.000+08:00

#-#-# M a m b o C r a z e #-#-#

YeaH~ Its Wed nitez again! Which means its Zouk's Ladies nite and Mambo nite!!!! Hahahaz` lolz~ Starting to like Mambo a little....though i admit i didn't realli like it veri much when i first knew it....Used to tink its realli retard...in fact now i still tink so...Haha~ but its realli fun in the sense tat no wan actually care abt how they look but juz dance like nobody's business~ haha~ tats how i call enjoying to juz the music and dance manz~Heheh~

Aniwae, tis time's more special.....more ppl go...so more fun.... At least for ppl people I know....got the usual like Weijie, Fish, more importantly got Becky darling, Vanessa and Gary!!!! Saw many other ppl there too....Gerrie and others...Hsien Zhuan and Yong Shen called mi to tell mi they are there but did not get to find them in the crowd..nevermind...not fated....Hehehe~ Didn't drink much cos dun wan to get too high~ (Anyway i realised tat alcohol dun haf much effect on mi lehz....i dun get higher even when I drink more...I tink im naturally immuned to alcohol liaoz...so dun worry of mi getting drank yea~)

Haha~ aniwae its super crowded...and like Shin's party....a lot of guys...tink cos the Guys POP break not over yet ba~ YuckS~ But the music was nice all nite~ Went over to Phuture for a while but it was soooo super crowded there.....tuna sardine packed manz.....get pushed arnd everywhere....R&B and Hip Hop was great....but since I promised Wei jie to support him for the last time....I stayed at Zouk instead...

Aniwae Mambo songs are slowly getting into me....Like kind of getting into the reto-ness.... I tink one thing nice tis time was that most ppl are following the actions~ Not like last time oni veri few ppl follow....now...realli like doing mass dance manz! Jie yu and Weijie went up the podium!!! Hahah~ So proud of them~ Uncle Wei jie and Uncle Fish~ lolz! Shld haf bought Ribena for them~ hahha...Mi and Becks Caught an eye-candy...hehe~ tis guy in brown Billabong cap... Gary kept counting the no. of times we turn back to look at him~ Argh~ Fish came at the wrong time to pull us nearer to the podium....make us lose sight of our eye-candy....Argh Argh~

Becks and mi came out with the conclusion that Wei jie look veri cute when he's doing Mambo...as in ke-ai..hahah~ like so enjoyable like tat...lolz~ Yoz ~ dude~ U can become symbol for Mambo liaoz siaz~

Aniwae all was fine until some stupid guy in white cap came dancing so close to mi, I came feel his breathe on mi...Sux! Another touchy idiot...even if its juz putting his hands on my waist~ Screw off manz! Changed place with Gary~ Told Wei jie abt it and he almost went to fight him.....Chill dude...Im pissed off....but dun haf to blow up the matter...I dun wan to create more trouble....

Aniwae the nite ended off quite well...Gary went supper wif Becks and Van while I share cab home wif Fish and Weijie....

Tink tis gonne b one of my veri last time clubbing after so many unhappy incidents recently.... Muz wait till tis bad omen around mi goes off first...Geez.....lalalal~ Will I b able to resist temptation? Mayb...Mayb not...hahah`Stay tune.....(Hehz?!)

council sentosa outing!

2005-03-18T01:30:00.000+08:00

****** Council sentosa outing ******

Boo! Council outing again!!! Went sentosa 2dae all my my council dudes and babes! Hahah~ Love the sun sand sea!!!!!! Though the sand was a bit too scouching though...burnt my poor little soles while playing volleball~ Haha~ but ultimately it was fun~ though not many ppl turn up....but it was realli fun 2dae! Everything! from hiding behind the shadow of the rock, to them trying to pull mi into water (argH!), to burying Clarx in the sand... to playing extreme Captain's Ball in the water~ hahaha~ all so fun!!! Shows tat the quantity of ppl doesn't matter, small groups can have veri gd fun too! Heheh~ lalalalal

Saw Darius and friends at the beach too~ Wanted to share court with them....but before we could...some kuku official came to dismantle and shift the court away~ Dotz!!! Never knew courts have legs and can move~ Argh~

Hahah~ ended off the day by going Sakae Sushi for buffet at Funan~ I tink i was too tired from eating ....so still....wadever i ate did not make my buffet worth it~ Haiz....muz train myself to eat more....if not not worth it!!!!Waste money!!!~ Shld haf eaten Ala-carte like Junhui.... The dinner was fun too!!! hehe~ with all the teasing Feli abt she and her Alvin~ Haiz~ Wonder how long they will last...nevertheless~ Go girl~ All the best in ur new found relationship....hahah~ oh no~ the single's club is getting smaller......also means lesser ppl to go clubbing with...hahaha (oopse!)

Took 147 home wif kok and Ray.....sux....went past Selegie Road area...Hate taking tat bus on a friday or weekend evening.....Juz feel so unsafe when u see the workers gathering in flocks manz....not being racist or wadever...but seriously...its scarey...especially sometimes when they stare at u or wadever....EeKS~

okaez....Tired....Nitz~~ZzzzZZZZZ

-Shin's bdae party at Penthouse-

2005-03-15T12:29:00.000+08:00

-Shin's bdae party @ Penthouse-

Boo~ Shin's bdae party @penthouse!! Happi Birthdae Honey~ Hehehe~ 5th Year anniversary that u r my honey liaoz...as old as my husband-wife status wif Jianing~ haha~ luv Ya lots! *mUaCks* WisH ya Happi 19th Bdae and stay pretty always...although I noe ur bdae's like stll a fews days later~ YEA~ *MuAckS*

Aniwae first time go Penthouse. Hehz~ Promised Shin to get as many people down as possible....But in the end so many people PS...Raf, SAndy etc etc etc...Mayb cos its a Mon and everyone's working ba~ So went with council clubbers instead~ haha called ita council clubber's outing...Hehe~ See~ im not the oni clubber in council kaez~ So dun always suan mi aoni!! Mi, Feli, Fish, Vegus, Febri and Febri's Friends: Kenny, Temmy and Ronald went.Wadever and huever they are, I oni wanted to enjoy one nice night of dance and music~

Kaez...went a bit too early...so the club was practically empty and boring....so we juz sat arnd~ The place was quite nice larz....got tanks of fish and jellyfish and stuffs...Haha~ got a fish squashed by a stone in the tank tat Feli was so paranoid abt..ask the waiter to save the fish somemore~ hahah~

In general, the music was nice, the palce was nice! but the crowd definately sux~Super long never go for R&B and Hip hop liaoz....Miss those bass beats to dance to.....Haix~ the party was like a total guy's party larz! As in the guy:gal ratio might b like 10:1! Might b gd for some girls manz, but definately not for mi larz! Hu cares a damm abt guys! if mi 1 pure-girls party Ican enjoy it juz as much` mayb better!

Gosh! Was totally surrounded by guys on the dancefloor, luckily Feli went, if not im dead! And all thanx to some bloody touchy idiot, pls lorz...im there for nice clean fun~ If u wan to dance....im fine, but pls respect mi by not getting over touchy~ *SLAP* Bad experience~ And guys~ pls...if u wan to noe a girl...pls work on ur pick-up lines and wad u do... dirty dances and putting ur hands around people doesn't work for all girls~ AT least for mi!

Kaez...then Feli had to leave early...wanted to leave and share cab with her...but promised to stay to give Shin face... Haix....fine...Aniwae thanx to Febri and Fish for protecting mi the nite through from tat touchy guy and for helping to pull mi out of situations i can't get out of...Yea~ Gd to go club oni with guys u noe ucan trust.

Kaez...in general the nite was fine if not for the little bad experience I had~ BLarz~

NTU Open House

2005-03-14T01:38:00.000+08:00

[[[[[[[[[ NTU Open House ]]]]]]]]]

Boo~ 2dae's NTU's turn!!! Hahaha~ after NUS yesterday, 2dae still go NTU. Go so many open house, as if it will make any difference to my ability to get admitted. Kaez...after yesterday, realises tat open houses are actually quite useless...yar..but went 2dae purely because I want to check out on School of Arts,Media and Design. I want to get into this school....cos its like one of the method for mi to go into advertising design other then to go laselle...haix....

Kaez...same thing as yesterday~ saw many people again~ not as many as yesterday though...proves that NUS is a more popular sch?? Haha~ as usual, saw Yew loong and Yit Wen more then one time there manz...DUdes...pls dunsae that Im stalking urall or wadever kaez....Im not interested in u guys~ Haha~

Aniwae, NTU's style of open house is rather different then NUS, mayb cos they alreadi had mani talks before that, so it was more of like a exhibition style. Checked out on the SADM and Psychology. Psychology wasn't so bad...in fact i tink its better then in NUS. Cos its direct Major into psychology, but in NUS, muz go through one year of general studies first before can bid for psychology in 2nd year, which i heard was difficult~ Blarz~ with my calibre~ veri risky in NUS. Haix~ wadever the case is, its not up to mi to choose lar...they want mi i should thank God readi...

Yea~ for SADM, Haix...Sad and disappointed.As usual, they are like Laselle, need portfolio interview and need to hand in work pieces...not that i can't work at producing some works for the admission,(in fact i've been thinking abt what to do for days and nights...), but seriously i believe if i produce works for the sake of producing at such situation im in now ,its realli gonna produce works of no quality. Haix....saw some people at the booth..Poh ling they all...all AEP wanz....how to go and compete with them? Pls manz....Gonna know my own calibre.....Morever, although i myself noe veri well, I WAN TO DO ADVERTSING DESIGN as a career and Im realli interested in it....but everyone is telling mi that its not for mi..... Im shunt b living in juz wad i wan to do and in my dreams cos its realli for people out there with the real talent. ( yar tat includes my parents and many of my friends), how encouraging it is in asking mi to persude wad I like and believe in...Haix~ Wadever it is larz....i guess its juz gonna b another lost dreams like many others....

Frankly speaking..i dunno how exactly my standard is at all the designs stuffs. I oni noe I can spend all my time juz working on designs and stuff...changing and editing designs again and again until im truely satisfied. Tats juz some kind of attitude I can't find when im doing other stuff...I dunno y. And im not veri convinced in myself tat I can't make it in the designing areana simply bcos I tink im juz not given the chance to see my own standard in any way. I realli regrade not taking Arts Elective in sec3 and then to AEP in JC. Tats all juz bcos my mum is against mi spending time on arts and designs and stuffs...so disallow mi to do them last time. My mum juz feels that arts is not for ppl like mi and since no one in the family has been arty-inclined before, I WUNT be able to make it....so y waste time and money...Haix~ I regret! I regret to so many wrong decisions that i've made last time! I regret not pushing hard enough and for listening to my mum to not take art in sec3 . I should haf been more firm in wad i like to do...not wad my mum tinks I shlf fouces on!!! And regret taking my JC subject combi just because everyone tells mi that is the more practical combi to take and not choosing but wad i beliee i liek to study...Haix~ Full of regrets~

Haix~ I hate this....somehow, I can't help it but i hate my mum for always influencing my decisions. Y does she always haf to listen to others in wad is good for mi, rather then asking mi wad i realli want?!? Like juz bcos some aunties say that their daugters do tis and tat and acheive tis and tat....then i muz follow suit and acheive wad they acheive~ Then when come to making decisions, she will ask mi to make my own decisions, at the same time corner and influence mi towards wad she has decided for mi~ Isn't tat contridicting?!?

I can't help tis negative feeling~ but im realli full of regrets now! Mayb i will get over it but I noe its a regret that has changed my whole life somehow. At least if i've tried b4 and prove to myself that I can't make it...I wunt haf feel tis bad...

Im realli gonna earn hard to send my bro to NAFA School of Young Talent as much as I can. I want him to develop in what he is good at and what he enjoys doing. I dun wan him to regret next time like I did now.....Its a horrible feeling....

---- day of lost dreams------

2005-03-13T01:33:00.000+08:00

---- day of lost dreams------

Woahz.... veri late liaoz....im veri tired now....been out for the whole day....

Morning went NUS open house.....so mani ppl went.....I noe i don't realli stand much chance of getting into tat sch but nevertheless...juz go there see see and blindly look for hopes lorz....ooooohz.....went wif the councillors.....Miss everyone. First time mani councillors go for the same thing together..mayb cos it concern everyone's future ba~Saw mani ppl there too....mani long time no see ppl....and mani that I've missed for long...First saw Xiaoxuan the moment i step out of the cab.....then I saw Jieli and Hongyao....gosh~ so long never see tis two guys....they look so different now....then while walking in....also saw mani ppl.....some oni recognised by looks but did not manage to sae Hi....some juz Hi-Bye~ Then saw Lihui and her dear JX....then in the exhibition hall even worse.....I spent more time saeing and toking to ppl than looking at the booths....Saw mani long-time no see darlings like Zhiqi, Daryl, Huifen, Sijia, Gerrie, Vanessa, Minlin etc etc etc etc....not forgeting the guys.....Kelvin, Yewloong, Yit wen, King Wai, Gerrie's bf(can't remeber name)...and mani mani mani more that I juz said Hi-bye too....Haiz.....hope can get into the same school as everyone manz...I miss everyone.....be it for gd times and bad....

Yea~ Checked out more on Law and Arts and Social Science....the Law wanz....they sae look more at GP and interview oni....but i bet wif my results I will hardly get ani chance even to get in for the interview....then the FASS, toked to one of the professor....He said mine is those borderline caes....can try for discretion but no promise of getting in also....haiz.....everything is so unconfirm...tink i juz gonna apply for everything....but tink i still wunt get a peaceful mind wanz....NEverthelss, 2mr gonna check out on NTU then I make my decisions.....

Then went Junhui's house for steamboat...A lot of councillors turned uo tis time.....so fun...so long never get together liaoz....got a lot of rear appearances somemore......Mooooz~ I miss everyone~ though I didn't eat much and im hungry now....I still like the feeling of hanging arnd councillors~ It juz feels so gd to b together again`Yea~

okaez....tired liaoz.....Shall go sleep....2mr going jogging arnd the estate wif junmin b4 going NTU open house....recently had tis fetish to go do sports and excercise out...mayb to vent my emotions ba~hope and pray hard tat my knees can take it~ and i hope i wunt get too tired .....ciaoz......*mUacKs* everyone~!

||||| c o n f u s i o n s |||||

2005-03-11T01:20:00.000+08:00

c o n f u s i o n s

blarz....tis's the 3rd consecative day tat I never go for work...didn't feel like working....gave myself the excuss that I've got lots of things to do and tink abt and I needed more time to myself....but actually i tink its crap. Didn't accomplish anithink...neither did i come up wif ani decisions yet...haiz....WAD AM I DOING!!!! wad a lousy working attitude I haf manz....even my mum's complaining...*slap* myself...Tink im juz sick of the job liaoz...though its gd in everyway...i tink i juz wan to try something else....or mayb the depression im in now juz wan to escape the past to a brand new life.

Haiz....mayb its like wad becky saes 'teenage crisis'....been so easily irritated recently...dun even seem to haf interest in anitink. Went zouk with weijie,jieyu, chieh and jieyu's friends..and other ppl...though the music was gd...somehow i didn't enjoy it...was in such a grumpy mood....drank like 2 apple shooters and 1 corona extra tinking tat it would made mi high and get happier but didn't work....got irritated wif everything tat comes in my way including tis *ass who was dancing like the whole floor was his...*yucks* so sick when his sweaty shirt touch mi.*toot* everything builds up the 'piss-off attitude ' in mi like oil to fire manz....even the dry ice spry tat I like got mi irritated instead. Poor weijie happened to spark off the fire and I flare up at him. Sorrie dude~ didn't meant to, juz happened to b the wrong timing.

Gosh~ I tink my work is piling up. Especially all the voluntary work like all theJunior Y's Men stuff, bishan Home stuff, coming up captain's ball launch stuff, Vmob, even YV....so mani things tat i noe i need to settle but juz seemed like im not doing anitink. I need to find back some efficiency manz.....Haiz....was juz so in no mood to do anitink...at tis attitude tat im going, realli questions myself my ability to take up the YV05 chair manz....dun wan to screw things up animore....

kaez...i muz hang on......muz perserve on.I noe I like wad im doing juz not at the right time and situation. Gotta pick myself up real soon. Remeber when I first attended YV, there was tis analogy tat volunteering is like running a marathon, its gonna b veri tiring, so much tat u feel like giving up...but definately I will see the end....I muz go on...cos i noe ultimately, I'll b able to see tat I can make a difference, big or small' to somewan. I wan to see the smiles on the faces.....tat shall keep mi going...................

-quizes-

2005-03-09T10:38:00.000+08:00

-= Self-theraphy=-

okaez.....im on leave again......decided to take some breaks to do oni things that I like.....some form of therapy on myself...haha~ okaez....do some funni quizes for fun .....

You are the Spirit of Innocence. Always with the
sweet smile of a child, you know how to have
good clean fun, you have a natural vunerability
about you, which makes you able to make friends
very well, as they are drawn instinctively by
the urge to protect you. But even though you
look as fragile as a child inside you are very
strong with your easy look on life. When you
get a partner (because there is no way you
cant!) your life will be perfect.

Which stunning spirit of emotion are you? NEW AND IMPROVED! (amazingly beautiful anime pics!)

Cocktail

?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

The Goddess of Magic and Peace. You are a born
star. Always supportive and influential, you
the centre of attention and you are
exceptionally friendly. You are a classic
beauty.

Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Your label is the Nice girl/guy. You tend to care
for others over yourself. However, many people
appreciate your caring side and would rather
stick by you than hurt you. But, there is a
downside. Some tend to abuse your kindness and
take advantage of you. You always try to see
the good in everyone and try not to hate.
Also, you have sharp insight and a great
personality. Calm, serene, and understanding,
you make a worthy friend and a valuble ally to
people in need. Don't change your sweet
nature, your constant being-there can save a
life.

I suggest your go into a field that
centers around working with others such as a
doctor, baby-sitter, psychologist, lifeguard,
or Teacher. If none of these occupations
interest you, it is okay then. I am sure that
there are plenty of oppertunities out there for
you.

What type of teenager are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

You like the ones that understand you.

What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

In your eyes, people see life... You see yourself
as just an average person! You enjoy life, love
wildlife, but also enjoy time with those who
know you best. You like to get outdoors and let
your mind wander over all of the mysteries god
gave to you. You don't really have a certain
sanctuary because you're so well-rounded, but
you like having fun and adventures, but can
also be found sitting quietly about, reading a
book. You have a pretty good life ahead of you,
never trade it for anything else :)

What Lies Behind Your Eyes? (With Pics, See All Results!)
brought to you by Quizilla

its gd to b juz average.....=) aniwae tink tis quizes r fun to take mnaz.....but i tink they r juz meant to boost egos....hahah...

--s h o r t & s w e e t --

2005-03-09T02:05:00.000+08:00

--s h o r t & s w e e t --

kaez....juz finished doing tis blogskin.....spent some time doing it....wanted to personalised one myself, but didn't noe wad style to adopt. Haf been in a identity crisis recently, kind of lose sense of what exactly do i like and what exactly do i want....so decided to use tis design.....

Kaez......recently life has been like sh*t, especially ever since i got back my lousy piece of result. Was realli down and everything, didn't haf ani sense of direction animore....dun feel like doing anitink, dun feel like thinking abt anitink. Frankly speaking, I dunno where my future lies animore or whether I haf ani...

Welll....for the moment..Im still escaping. I noe its a bad decision, but tats what I've decided at least for the moment, till I settle my emotion down. Its realli much easily said then done, but somehow tis time it realli did hit mi hard, so badly I lost control of myself . I promise tis's not gonna b for long, wiill definately try to b back to my normal self once tis transition period is over. I promise, I will.....

Nevertheless, gotta realli thank mani ppl who has been by my side all tis while, trying to gif mi advice and cheer mi up. Sorrie, for disrupting all ur emotions and making u worry....Dun worry abt mi..I noe wat to do soon....Especially people like Becky and Raymond....thanx for being there for mi these few days and trying to make sure im fine and trying to cheer mi up and stuff.....realli...without u guys arnd...bet I would still b crying until now. Also, other ppl like SiewPohand all the S3e gals, lihui, xueping, vick, weijie, liping, zhiqi, junmin, kor kor etc etc etc etc...the so mani ppl who haf been constantly asking how am I....Im fine ...dun worry....thanx a lot....

Will b bet jumping, laughing and making fun of ppl soon again I tink......dun worry...

*P.S. ---> for the last few months blogs tat I've been missing (I typed them on Microsft Words when my internet was down)...will try to put them back in here soon enough.

+-The . A's . Dilemma -+

2004-11-19T22:39:00.000+08:00

+-The . A's . Dilemma -+

Haiz....veri long never blog liaoz.....so mani things and thoughts that i wanted to note down but didn't haf the time to (all thankx to exams). Aniwae yea~ not supposed to come online to blog wanz until after exam, but decided to break my own 'grounding'. Cos i can't take it animore lez.....For almost like the past whole month, I've been isolating myself away from all temptations, haven been going out except to sch to study and haven been doing ani other things other then studying!!!! Oh no~ tis sound so much like a nerd~ but wat to do~ i dun haf a choice...Im at the extreme of finding buddha's leg to hug~ so of cos muz work doubly hard larz~ Haiz~ shouldn't haf wasted so much time and not start studying earlier~ If oni i had more time.... Haiz~ things are oni treasured when they are lost~

Aniwae came out wif tis conclusion tat studying is realli bad for health manz~Both physically and mentally!!! I feel so unhealthy recently. Always sit there for the whole day, so little excercise~ Eyesight's getting bad (there goes my 6/6 record), headaches and gastric pains are acting up even more frequently then usual. My appetite is getting from bad to worse~I tink im even starting to find eating a chore manz~Suffering from serious insomia resulting in eyebags and pimple outbreaks~ Mentally, Im getting more and more senile by the day, more and more cranky, blurer and blurer, more and more can't-b-bothered and unfeelingless~ Haiz~ bad bad bad!!! I want my life back!!!!

Aniwae haf finished most of the papers. Oni left two more physics paper~ Haiz....im so sianz of studying~ fell like stopping liaoz~ but i scared i will regret. Dun ask mi how are the papers cos i dunno. Somehow veri complex feelings abt tis exam~ I've prepared much much more then usual and i dun realli find the papers veri veri difficult~ I noe im not gonna ace them or flunk but neither am I gonna get what i expected. Dunno larz~ Not that i dunno how to ans but some how dun haf much trust over my performance~ Even those ans and subj that I feel rather certain about I dun dare to dream of a good grade ( and I dun mean an A as a good grade) Mayb is before that I expect too much le~ Aniwae to avoid greater disappointment~ I shall not haf much expectation and I shall b prepared to face the worst =(

Okaez~ Left 6 more days to the end of paper~ So near yet so far~ I look forward to the end of exams cos i juz wan it to b over~ Aniwae i've alreadi got so mani things lined up to occuppy mi for the whole of dec at least~ Haiz~ expect myself to b so excited abt the post exam activites~ but somehow I dunno y im not eager at all. I should b excited abt going back to Yv, having all the parties and gatherings~ But hehz~ Mayb is schedule too tight lez~ I dun seemed to even haf the time to do things that I realli wan to do on my own~ I can't even find a decent time to go do my hair~ do some necessary shopping, or even juz hang around free and easy~ Im too booked up!!! I wan to do many things, like learn dance, go for kickboxing and aerobic classes, wakeboarding, go to the beach, go visit many many places or even watch movies~I dun even haf time to catch back my neauty sleep!!!! But i seriously I can't squeeze time out lehz!!!~ Happening life not equals to happy life manz~ Mayb Gary and Zhiqi is right, I've overloaded myself~ I should learn to reject 'appointments'. Haiz~ Or mayb im so toned down recently that Im now more yearn towards a quiet life~ I juz feel like taking things slow and do stuff when i feel like it. Zhiqi and Daryl's going Langkawi for hooliday for 4 days~ I promised to go wif them but seriously dun haf the time. Sorri babes~ Haiz~ i also wan to go there to relax manz~ It looks so quiet and peaceful there, so nice to unwind and relax~ I also wan to go Tioman Island!!! Go diving and juz enjoy the beautiful beach~ wahhhhzzzz......

Okaez wadever~ mayb tis is the side effect of exams--> sick of life. Hope i'll get over it by the time exam's over~ Mayb I'll find back the fun from the busi life again~

Okay...back to study~ Blarz~ =x

------ d i s a p p o i n t m e n t ------

2004-09-29T13:02:00.000+08:00

------ d i s a p p o i n t m e n t ------

Boohoo~ Back to the normal school days again~ Three days liaoz.....Haf been slowly back to my revision again~ No more excitment but juz disappoinments~

By 2dae~ haf gotten back most of my prelim papers~ Juz two words~ 'Screwed up!' Yea` Everything was below expectation~ Especially Math and GP which I haf put in the most effort. GP : my essay did super badly. oni got 22.5/50. Way below my normal average. Dunno is exam stress or what but when i read my own essay again~ Its juz total crap and rubbish larz! Dunno what Im writing manz~ Still tinking of aiming for a B3 and above for A'level so tat I can haf a chance of taking law~ I tink i can screw the idea as well le larz~

Math also. Haf been practising prelim papers like siaoz~ While most ppl spend most of their time studying things like physics and chem, I put my whole focus on Math manz~Haf been doing prelim papers non-stop~ And even the prelim papers tat i had done did not seemed that bad. But Prelim~ Ended up also 'screwed!' Got like an E was realli not worth my effort larz! Went for tuition juz to show Mrs Low my papers~ And it was to her disappoinment too~ She sae she thought she could expect at least a B or smt from mi~ Wad the~ Then she went through the papers and commented tat the marking was rather strict. But still, can't blame my grades merely on tat ritz~ no matter how strict, still shouldn't end up an E manz!!! Then she went through the questions wif mi again and realised that I haf a total of abt 20+ careless marks! That makes it 2 more grades to C!!! The paper was not difficult at all and is supposed to b do-able to mi~ Haiz~ dunno y also i tink i juz naturally will grow stupider during exams~ Haiz~ Simply 'Screwed!!!'

Evening time~ After much sobing~ Watched 'Get Real' on Chn News Asia~ The topic was on exactly how kind are Singaporeans. Truely, Singaporeans donate so much to charity praogrammes every year, but on the road, do people realli still show the same amount of kindness to people who realli need help??? Tat realli makes mi start tinking. Realli~ is money all that matters?!?! Guess Singaporeans realli haf to evaluate on what exactly kindness is right in the bottom of our heart.

Evaluation on myself: I volunteer. And I enjoy doing it. But how exactly genuine am I when it comes to helping people? Am I doing it because of the people I do it wif? Or is it because of my commitment to the organization? Or is it because I juz enjoy the aknowledgement of my effort from the people I volunteer wif? I dunno~ Some how all this seems part and parcel of everything~ But I thing I can't deny is I really love every moment that I've volunteered. Whether or not Its wif Bishan Home, Cheshire Home, Metta Hougang, or any other places I've gone to. though I seldom visit them recently, somehow I misses them. Mayb its bcos I've alreadi regarded them as my friends.

Still, the problem lies wif how genuine am I when it comes to helping people? If i didn't haf joined YVIP 4 yrs ago which opens mi to the various homes and programmes for volunteering, would I still haf been so passionate abt volunteering? Like, I oni seemed to volunteer well whenever I visit Homes or during events. On the road, when i realli see people who needs my help, why is there always this sudden jerk holds mi back from helping the ppl on the road? Somehow it seems to mi that I will mind how and if ppl look at mi when im on the street for other purposes. And sometimes I seemed to allow myself to tink ' Let them learn to b independent, they shouldn't need our help all the time.' Is this some kind of excuss that I give o myself? I dunno....

Somehow, Im suddenly veri disappointed wif myself. Wif everything that im doing, and wif how genuine I am to myself. I dunno. Is it worth it all? Is it the Christine I am, or is it the Christine that I've always assumed myself to b?

+#+#+#+# h o l y s u n d a y #+#+#+#+

2004-09-26T22:59:00.000+08:00

+#+#+#+# h o l y . s u n d a y #+#+#+#+

Woohz~ wad a boring sunday...nothing much to do.....so started a bit or revision again and to plan my A-level revision schedule starting on mon.....

Yeah~ did nothing much 2dae realli. Slept a lot though. Evening time, Grandma invited us to go her church to celebrate Mid-Authum. Its been a long time since i last went church. Wasn't realli veri keen on going. Mid-authum at churhc~ How interesting~

Yeah~ went juz bcos Grandma wants us to go. Haiz...go there dunno aniwan. Sat in the service hall and wait for the 'celebration' to start. Oh no...the whole session is in chinese~ Realli gonna put mi to sleep manz~ Look around and everyone is like two generations away from mi~ Bet mi and my sis's the youngest in the hall manz~

Yeah~ the celebration was juz some singing and some riddle guessing related to mid-authum~ then there was some presentation to fight the scientific explanation abt how our Earth, the planets and everything else in the universe os formed.Yea~ their theory was that God created everything and everything came from the hands of God~ I tink i most prob believe it oni in the religious level manz~But mi as a modern educated science student realli find everything absurb~Blarz~ Then came the preaching by some chinese pastor~ Realli puts mi to sleep cos i dun understand anitink he was toking abt manz~ Not oni mi~ Mum and Dad also~ I even started playing my phone's game manz~ (so bad!!!)muahaha~ I bet Grandma was the oni wan listening manz~

Aniwae after everything~ We juz followed grandma around when she go around toking to her friends. She kept introducing us to her friends and we juz haf to put up a smily front~ Then they will all like 'Wahz u veri lucky horz~ got so many grandchildren,daughter, son and in-laws to come church wif u'

Haha~ then u see the twinkle in my grandma's eyes~ She's juz so proud of us and so happy that we are willing to come wif her. Tink despite all the boredem, can see grandma so happy~ I didn't regret going after all. Haha~ Love my grandmother a lot!!! *mUacks* Guess its always the greatest delight for older peopel to b able to get the company of their children and grandchildren~ I tink i juz haf to spend more time wif grandma~

*Happy Mid-Authum!!!*

--- c o u n c i l o u t i n g --*--

2004-09-25T13:58:00.000+08:00

*-*-*-* c o u n c i l . o u t i n g *-*-*-*-*

Finally got council outing again!!!! hahaha~ Its the usual ppl again~ mi, kok, shuhui, feb, shyuan, wanwei, guz, junhui, raymond.... Went to watch Residential Evil....Didn't noe what show it is but hack larz...juz watch larz....Everyone try to scare mi tat its scary, but its not tat scary overall wadz....juz some city of zombies typical story...tink i watch tis type of show mani times liaoz...haha~ the oni time i got scared was when wan wan suddenly grap mi and made mi screamed~ lolz!

After tat went Paradiz Centre to play pool....HAha~ guess wad new discovery I made abt myself!!!! Im as tall as a pool cue!!!! lolz! Yea~ played pool and tycolly won twice. So long never play liaoz....quite miss the feel but i wasn't realli veri much into pool actually, was more attracted to the arcade outside. Played Datona (tink i spell wrongly) and tis cycling thingy which was sooooooo tiring!! but i improved after many tries...which made mi so tired~ DAmm~ I bet everyone's laughing at mi play such a spastic game!!!

Haha~ and finally....the highlight of the day~ we went CHINATOWN!!! Yesh~ Im the stupid person who keep saying i wan to go Chinatown~ Mid-authum coming liaoz marhz~ I wan to go there see see shop shop~ And its the first time i ever go to Chinatown!!! Yes~ im a sua-gu Singaporean~ But realli wadz never go b4 ....Wahz~ didn't noe Chinatown so re nao manz!!! So many things to see buy and eat~So Fun!!! Walk down the many streets and went into many shops to see many cHinese stuff~ quite cool ya~Saw a lot of things tat i've never seen b4!!! like some Jade egg thingy~ and many more larz....Bought some beautiful handmade bookmarks for aesthec and a quite delicate candle holder for myummy's bdae~ Woohoo~! So fun~ Even more fun because i went wif council ppl!!! Febri even spotted the Hippo Bus manz!!! hahah~ Stupid Raymond sae like bring xiao hai zi go out like tat~ But i first time go there wadz~ of cos more excited larz! ARGH! Hahah` but walk for sooo long~ my leg veri tired siaz~ Finally got a chance to sit down and drink haf some coconut b4 going home~ hahaha~ even eating coconut was so much joke~

Reach home pretty late~ so tired.....But sooo funnnnnn.....Hahaha!!!! =)

++++ s e n t o s a o n c e a g a i n ++++

2004-09-24T23:54:00.000+08:00

+*+*+*+* s e n t o s a . o n c e . a g a i n *+*+*+*+

Beautiful Friday.....No sch~ No stress~ Went Sentosa wif Jianing, Shin, Raf and Joanne (Raf's friend) 2dae. Nice weather i muz say...Got sun but not too hot~Soooo Nice!!! Silosa pretty crowded although it is a school day. Guess most ppl's out there to destress themselves after the exams.

Saw a lot of ppl there... some NY guys, some ex-St'nick's trackers, and got Chn U artist Shen Qing Shan and Ben and his wife. Haha~ Ben is so super skinny! Compared to Shen Qing Shan who got such a hot body~ hahah~

Went sun-tann on raf's mini little mat. (Didn't wan to get tann though~ oni wan to get red.haha) But like no effect lehz....Then we played vball. Haha~ we can't play for nuts larz....Make a fool of ourselves and keep laughing non-stop. But realised mi and Jo was quite gd partner yea~ Managed to trash Raf and Shin who tried so hard to discuss techniques to spike and win us....Lolz~ We no pro siaz~ Dun try to fly before u noe how to walk....lolz~

Aniwae played vball wif some HP company people who went there for a retreat~ Then they even treated us their buffet dinner(haha save $ on dinner~ )Even bought us drinks~ Nice ppl I muz sae~ Veri friendly. They seemed like having great fun at Sunset Bay, drinking, playing games and chatting~ Tink its not bad to work in such a fun company yea~ Oh yar~ made friends wif a few of them like WF and Yew Thong. Chatted a lot wif them .Haha~ who says ppl of diff age will haf generation gap and communication prob.... Aniwae WF keep asking us to b aware of YT. Dunno whether to take him seriously anot but aniwae aiya~ friends that dunno veri well...better be more aware....

HAha` Yea~ in short~ Had a fun day at Sentosa~ Oh yar~ Seemed pretty nice to haf a mini party at Sunset Bay juz like they did~ Mayb I shall haf 1 one day~ Some Christmas Party of mayb even Birthday Pary!!! oooo~ So exciting~ muahahaha~~~

><><><> k a i . x i n <><><><

2004-09-23T23:02:00.000+08:00

><><><> k a i . x i n <><><><

Haha~ woahz....so long never blog liaoz.....finally got time to come here update a bit....hahah~yesH! finally~ the tortuorous prelims are over! FINALLY! Tat explains for my heading yea~ 'KaI XiN!' (hAPpy!!!)wahahah~ tink i've screwed up my prelims again....but aniwae...no point crying over split milk....gonna juz enjoy for the rest of the week then start mugging real hard for A's liaoz....

Wohhoo~ yesterday went town wif cline, siewpoh,joan, shyuan, fiona and yue ru....wahahah~ so long never step into town liaoz....so exciting....siew poh they all keep saying tat im veri high....and Yue ru sae im finally in the mood for shopping liaoz....haha~ of cos manz....town~ my comfort zone...lolz~ Had pasta at Scotts....saw a lot of cjcians like kaiyan, joshua, edwin, stephanie etc....thomas said he saw mi and walk past mi but i did not recognize him....oopse...~ haha~ sorry dude~its like almost 1 yr since i last saw him...cannot blamm marhz.... Also saw the rjians, zhimin and tiffany. Wahah~ and guess wad~ i broke record yesterday by finishing one whole plate of pasta myself~ lolz~ Achievement! Then went shopping...there's so mani things that i wan to buy manz.......If oni im a million- air!!!

Hahah~ 2dae!!! slept until super late ( so as to catch back my beauty sleep tat i've sacrified during exams) then went to cut hair and went for dental appoinment....woohooo~ the dentist was away, so i walk around Funan to entertain myself...*sob* so bored to walk around alone~ bUt guess wad!!! I finally found the 'HONEY' Vcd tat i've been looking for ages!!!! sO exciting!!!! My favourite dance show~ hahah! So happy!

After dental, -- came to pick mi up since he was around the area~ He's so shock by my new hair style..hahah!He say he thought i will never cut my beloved hair short. Walked around the clark quay area~ seldom get a chance to hang arnd Clark Quay in its quiet state...Quite nice though....wif the river breeze and bumper boats...haha~ mayb its time i change my lifestyle to a quieter one..Its quite nice ya~ Sat down and had a cup of coffee at Coffee Beans~ So shiok, away from all the bustle and rush~ Then we went Mita Building to hang around...WAhz...there so arty manz....love tat place , like i can juz stay there for the whole rest of the afternoon juz looking at all the art pieces and get myself update wif all the arts events...SO shiok~ -- had to go meet his parents for dinner~ so i had to go home myself...*sob*sob*

Honey--> Yesh~ watch the show the 2nd time but still so enchanted by the hip-hop dances inside. Can't wait to go learn hip hop after A's. Aniwae, mayb its not juz the dance only in the show that makes mi fall madly in love wif the show, its the passion that Honey have on dancing that's really inspiring. Also, many reflective issuses in the show like the street children straying into gangs because of family problems, how one person haf an influnece to save a group of talented but strayed lost children from going into the wrong path of life, how the rich and famous can be actually juz siply jerk, and definately how Honey's boyfriend gave her the absolute support and trust in watever she do...

Ultimately, the good always win, the ending (the concert part) is so torching. THe children really showed wat is passion for dance, and how music and dance can bring people of different background and status to come together , and to the agreement that nothing is more important then being able to do what is of one's passion. Love that! Yeah` aniwae.....now wif the vcd, i can watch the show a hundred times more liaoz...hahah~ so happy~~!~!!

>+<+>+< c e d r i c >+<+>+<

2004-09-04T21:25:00.000+08:00

>+<+>+=-c e d r i c-=+<+>+<

Haiz....my brother my brother my brother....wasted my whole of 2dae on my bro.Did nothing but look after my bro and entertain him. Now I know why my mother always haf to scream at him...simply cos he never listens....

Actually if he's juz purely mischevious or naughty, it wouldn't be so much of a bother to me. What's worrying mi is that he's always in his own world~ Juz doing watever he wants, whether or not its right or wrong, or if it irritates others or not....worse thing is... my whole family seems to b giving in to him!!! Haiz...of cos larz...the only son, and the youngest of all, of cos muz dote on him. My stupid sister also forever giving in to him and give him everything that he want..Everything also nvm nvm nvm...

Not that im jealous or what, but somehow, I feel tat its juz not right, I mean like that how is he gonna learn?!? I know i am alreadi spoilt enough...but at the rate that he is being given eveything the way he wants....he's gonna b worse then mi!!! Haiz....

I also dunno y i feel this way larz.... all i know is tat he's my only brother and I love him a lot....Not because everyone say he's good looking or what. But...haiz....dunno how to say....I juz want the best out of him, juz want to make sure that he grows up to b somewan with substance and not juz an empty shell. My mother always say my sister dote on him more , treat him better tat type of thing, but if i do the same as everyone else, hu's gonna let him learn? Guess I juz haf to be the bad guy larz......No choice....

Juz brought him for his swimming lesson. As usual, he's sooo naughty, people swim, he play. Always get scolded by his coach. I brought my notes to study, but my attention was on Cedric. He's not putting in any effort at all lorz. Or should I say He's juz playing his way through. Can see he 'enjoyed' his lesson so much.... It worrys mi. I mean he said he's interested in it. But he's not putting in the effort to bring out the best in himself. At least from my own philosophy or mayb my own experience, I feel that if want to do soemthing, then be the best of it, or at least put in enough effort to say that I've done my best. I dun wan Cedric to regret like I did. Its gonna b too late..... I want him to be the best! Not juz brush through everything. I know the importance of enjoying what we are doing.....but its juz reality in this society that if u

r not up to it, u'r nothing! Its cruel but harsh! I know Cedric is smart and he's veri talented in many areas. Its obvious, and im sure im not the only wan hu realised it. All he needs is the proper grooming, which in the first place, he's needs to accept other people's teaching and comments, not explore it in his own world. Haiz....

I scolded him after his lesson and he got angry. Refused to hold my hand while going home. I know he dun like people to say that he's not good. I know he's sad. But I shall still believe that it will b a part of growing. Even if he dun understand it of hate mi for it...at least let it affect his life but make him realise the need to perfectise at time.

I dunno if im doing it the right way. Mayb I shouldn't b thinking in this way. Or mayb its because of the way I grow up that makes mi believe that the hardest road is the way to success. I dunno but all I know is that regretting is the worst feeling ever and should be avoided at all cost. Mayb I should juz try to tok sense to him. But with his stubborn character now from all the doting from everyone else, I dun tink toking sense will be efficeint. I dunno...juz hope that everything turns out well for him and he will understand it next time......

^^^^ Happy Birthday Singapore!!!! ^^^^

2004-08-09T16:44:00.000+08:00

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wAhHaHaH~ National Day Holiday~!!~ Plus the week end, was a total of 4 days break. but definately wasn't as it was supposed to b.....The teachers gave so much homework I dun even tink I can finish lorz~ Intended to catch with my scheduled revision~ But now~ i dun tink i can't even finish my assignments~ haiz~ So tiring nowadays.....Works come in mountains that can never b finished~ Teachers always like tat~ Got 1 small little holiday only they make it seemed as we will haf 48 hrs a day....how to complete so much work!!!~ pyschologically cheated us off our 'loooong' break...*sOb* wadever.....I can't realli b bothered even to grumble animore.... Haiz~ don't feel any thing special abt the National Daytis yr. Did not celebrate or wadever....even the national day parade did not look that majestic or exciting to mi....although Gary and Vick was in the parade~ haiz....cunt see them...* sob*

Yeah~ the only thing worth mentioning tis National Day break should be yesterday's outing wif JiaShyuan, Fish, Febri and Jayne....Cycled from Fish's house to Promenade to watch the Fireworks display. Haha~ I was cycling a small bike when compared to the rest (cos i tink im the only wan hu is small enough for tat) ....actually it was a stunt bike larz....then my bike's wheels were like 1/3 the diameter of the other's bike~ so i need to like paddle 3 times more then the rest to catch up....so tiring...but so fun....Mi and Fish splitted from the rest half way along Lavender St. when my wheel's rubber burst~ oOpse~ hahah Haiz...but in the end mi adn Fish reach earlier then the rest cos we took a shorter route. Was supposed to meet up wif my class ppl there but it was so crowded~ Did saw them but did not watch wif them....the bike was too ma fan among the crowd. Haha~ the fireworks lasted for only like less then 10 mins.....So it was like we cycled for almost 1 hr plus there to watch a 5mins display....hahah~ wadever....

Nevertheless, the fireworks display was nice larz......quite majestic and the crowd was funni~ But too bad the fireworks didn't last...Mayb tats y its beautiful....If it didn't haf lasted only for that few seconds, it would not b treasured as much~ *Beautiful things never last, they can only be treasured in our memories~*

Okaez...enough for now...better go back to my mugging journey liaoz~

++ my current no-life ++

2004-08-07T00:05:00.000+08:00

++ my current no-life ++

wAhHzzz...super long since i last blogged. Or in another words...super long since i came online for leisure stuff...

Was busi...busi mugging for exams...never felt so hardworking before (at least as compared to last time) That has been my life..or should I say 'no-life'. Yeah~ Awake during every lessons, finish my tutorials plus do extra work, dying to cheong to the library to study during breaks or after school....Yeah~ that sounds so unlike mi~

IM TURNING A NERD!!!! Have been staying in the library everyday to study until 7 then go home cos i noe i go home sure cannot concentrate wanz.....Its veri tiring...Well, I tink i juz haf to bear wif it until A's over...Actually, after this few weeks of revision, realised that those topics are not that diffcult after all....And studying isn't realli tat hard too....Juz need more determination, perserverence and focus...(Easier said then done)

Okaez..Yeah Tats my life recently, so to those people who haf been curious about my MIA in various stuff recently..Yah thats the reason....

2dae went school for National Day celebration. Sux manz....Was guai to go...but ended all the rest of the girls all never go, left, mi,Fiona and Wenjing...*sob* Even 26th also a lot of ppl didn't go...Haiz...Tats y no fun...YAr...sat through the celebration. Intended to chao when people leave for sulturere adventure. But ended up following the class instead. Walk around the Serengoon Estate and play stupid games...Wadever....At least I turned up kaez...If I can turn back time, I would haf chosen like the rest to pon manz....

Oh ya~ went for my first extraction of teeth 2dae. Went in alone kaez....wif my bro larz....But my stupid bro there serves no purpose other then to disturb oni... The person having the extraction is mi, but the sound effect came from him. The dentist laugh like hell lorz.... Oh yar~ So proud of myself tat I went thru this horror by myself 2dae. Hate and scared of dental the most...*OucH* But the dentist 2dae quite skillful larz,,and quite nice...The extraction didn't hurt that much cos he gave mi 8 jets of anestatia for 2 teeth. But half my face was numb and i felt like a retard cos keep drooling...Yeah~ He inserted some rubber bands into my teeth (some realli nice blue mini rubber bands). There everythign didn't hurt tat much larz.....

But now.....all the antiseptic gone liaoz..Everything hurts like hell.. especially the rubber bands between the teeth cos i tink its pushing my teeth...*OUcH* And thanks to all these happenings inside my mouth...It hurts s much I can't eat anitink...IM SO HUNGY!!! Argh~ Next week got another 2 more extration before the braces ill go up..OucH* The price to pay for a better image....

2004-07-25T14:09:00.000+08:00

B' Div 02 (most of us)

2004-07-25T14:08:00.000+08:00

XXuan, Puaysan, Kelly, Mi and Pretty Arlana~

2004-07-25T14:07:00.000+08:00

Pretty Miss Chua~ Pretty B'div Individuals amd Pretty Us!!!!

2004-07-25T14:05:00.000+08:00

tHe cHamPion B'div group with Huang~

++ Graceful Yet Mighty ++

2004-07-23T23:33:00.000+08:00

++ Graceful Yet Mighty ++

wOoHoo~ I dunno how to start off...I jUz lOVE gYm!!! aNd I mISS gYM!!!!

SN Rhythmic Gym ROX!!!!

Haiz~ the whole day in school, my mind has been difting off to the rhythmic gym compeition manz....no matter wad i tell myself, juz can't focus in school....haiz....Should haf been like Kelly, pon school thewhole day instead~ But i tink if i do that I'll definately feel gulity ....

Chiong down after school to at least catch the opinional routines finals and the group finals....Borrowed money from Wan ma to take a cab down....Was juz on time to catch Arlana's ball routine~ Beautiful manz~ Quite a succesful routine~ Too bad the difficulty level not high enough to get high marks...

Aniwae haiz....so many things to say...tink the general standard of this yr's competition raised~ At least can see that in the opional routines~ But stupid RGS still dominates everything....Its lame larz.....I mean how to beat them when almost half the team is in the National team right!!! And juz because they are rich and they can dominate the arena~ then all the Pri school gymnast who train until veri good in other schools will juz naturally go to RGS after their PSLE ritz~ Tink its a matter of the rich gets richer and the poor gets poorer lorz~ Nvm~ Yeah~ but haf to admit that the RGS leotards are all veri nice larz~ They rich marhz~ can spend so much on top quality imported leotards and apparatus~ And I tink they change like new leotard for their different routines manz~ Of cos they look better larz~ Tink its bcos of their domination in the arena that a lot of schools are dropping Rhythmic gym in their schools manz~ This yr no more Zhonghua, no more Cedar, and next year no more Nanyang also....Haiz~ sianz` How to promote Rhythimc gym in Singapore like that when they oni let RGS monopolise everything~

Haiz~ Nvm~ St'nicks still rox~ At least we not as arrogant as RGS... and I bet one day, we will sure beat them flat wanz~ They oni that few people from the national team good....( I tink im juz jealous)

Yurpz~ was watching the beutifully chorographed routines and i seriously miss the times when we train and strive for perfection of every routines of ours manz~ whether or not its group event, individual event, ball, hoop, rope or clubs( *sob* didn't get a chance to train ribbon~ so nice). Tink its generally the passion for the sport larz...Of so many sports that i've tried before, rhythimc gym is the oni thing that consist of both grace and might~ Its juz such a beautiful and mesmerizing sport~ No wonder some people regard it as dance~ Watching the routines~ my mind tend to stray off into thoughts like if oni I was better like them last them, if oni I had train more for better standards, If oni I can train gym again, If oni I didn't stop gym after O's..If oni....If oni...If oni.....

Love the days where we will all b training super hard for the whole year round, not forgeting all the injuries of knee, ankle and back and everywhere else plus muscleaches.Then, 1 or 2 months before, our eagerness to choose and design leotards, then Huang will start commenting on our figures and we will all desperately go on diet-watching programmes. From the image in leotards and hair accessories to choosing of apparatus, to having trails and getting mental preparations~ its tough` but we all pushed ourselves through it~ I enjoyed it~ dunno about the rest, But there's juz tis attraction to draw mi to put everything I haf in it... whether or not Im competiting, reserve or even when im caoching the rest~ The scolding and demands from Huang pushed us far~ although we always grumble about it~ we know its for the best of us...The pains and cries when training for flexibility~ hahaha that i tink i didn't haf to bother last time~ But if i were to train now~ its gonna b a major problem~

Woahz~ on the competition day, we will look the best in our leotards, with almost professional make-ups, wearing proudly the St'nicks track suit, carrying our individual apparatus and grandly report to the competition venue~ I remeber Mis Oh saying: The success of a sportsman is when u step into the competition ground so confidently that everyone will stop and look at you and feel intimitated. That, U have won half the battle. Yesh~ and I tink we haf reached that standard last time~ Although RGS was still our main rival.Then, confident as we look, we will tremble and do all sorts of last minute practice aside the competition ground, self-talk and comment on how pretty each other look to boost our morale, occassionally peeping over to see how our competitors are doing....

Then when its finally our turn, haha a feeling that i dun even noe how i exactly feel and how to describe it. Greet the judges gracefully and step into the green mat that suddenly feel softer then ever ( mayb is i myself jiao luan). Pose (if can spot, a little trembling still). Then the 'Deng' before the music~ start the routine and focusing on what we have been training on~ at the same time praying for the best of everything.

Haha~ shortly that less then 2mins~ and then the destiny will b decided~ Good or bad~ I tink i always cry after I come out~ either bcos of fear or that I didn't do as I've expected. Hmmm.....nevertheless, the support form the rest of the team can still b felt. All the hugs and encouragement came in swamps as if im gonna faint anitime~ hahah

yeah~ Then during the prize presentation, we will wear back our track suit and look so smart. Sit together as a school and listen to all the results with our schools getting numerous positions. the honour to wear the track suit representing your school and the feeling that yesh~ I've doen the school proud. Get the medals and took lots of photos together~ Glamourous Days` that I'll never forget.

Gym days~ Days of joys and laughters, Falls and rises that I will never forget and will always miss~

I want to go back and train again one day.Mayb after A's ...dunno if my back can take it,,,I know the doctor advise me not to, cos my already injured back will make me face the risk of getting paralysed. But I juz want to get the feeling back again~ I miss gym, I miss the team and I miss Huang~

!?!?!? w o r r i e d !?!?!?!

2004-07-22T22:29:00.000+08:00

!?!?!? w o r r i e d !?!?!?!

wAhahaz!!!! 2dae was a total wake up call manz!!! CT lesson~ all j2s were called to the hall and Mrs Ho gave an analyse of our mid-yr exam results~ Of cos its not a total shock for mi larz...yesterday all the people who did super badly for mid-yrs were called to see Principal and get leturced alreadi....and im one of them.( apparently the majority was observed to b from Student Council, so tui lian!) Haiz~!!!

But 2dae the impact on mi like greater lehz...suddenly feel so screw up and realli feel the sudden stress that i really have to do something about my sucky results. Especailly when i look at the break down of marks by subject passes and stuff...although i am always in the majority range....but still.....it add up to a total SUX!!! Dunno larz....almost want to break down after the talk...like tis urgency and fear in mi that i'll never b able to make it even is i start mugging 24-7 now.... Veri scared.....tot my O-levels was screwed up enough to end mi in Nanyang when people who used to be around my level haf all proceeded safe and sound to the top 5 jcs....

Haiz...I can't even do well in my own jc....Tink about A-levels where i am in competition with the whole Singapore's smarties from people who are thousand and one times smarter then mi and more hardworking then mi since ages ago....Last time in St'nicks, with lousy results...people always say 'Nvm larz.....Ur school high standard...tis type of result quite normal..Come to O-level then should b better liaoz....' But now?!?! Im becoming bad to worst!!! Im so disappointed with myself =(

REalli veri scared manz~ never felt so scared and urgent for my academic before~ I dun want to retain~ (although the thought did went through my mind before) and even the thought of giving up A's right now and persude somewhere else. Mayb Jc is juz not my cup of tea....haiz...I dunno larz!!!!
Everyone tell mi I can do it wan~ Its whether I wan it or not..But look at the situation now~ I realli doubt it....
Oni abt 7 more weeks to prelims~ Even if i mugg day and night until I hypertension~ I also dun tink i can finish revising all and get realli prepared for Prelims and A's....HOW??? HELP?!?!?!

I dunnO!!! Feel so lost and scared...He's no longer here to pull mi through everything...and i doubt if he ever will b again~ heard he got into some stupid elite scholarship thing which haf to go overseas for training for dunno how long...And plus all those bonds and stuff...haiz...wadever....My greatest worry is still my studies now~ Im scared~ Tink i will still give in my best for Prelims larz....at least I hope i wunt die that badly.....*sOB*

2004-07-17T02:13:00.000+08:00

..::: fate is in ur hand ::..

2004-07-17T02:12:00.000+08:00

+ reach for the sky~ +

2004-07-17T02:10:00.000+08:00

-=+ Mi and kok +=-

2004-07-17T02:09:00.000+08:00

:: Jayne, Kok, Mi~ ::

2004-07-17T02:07:00.000+08:00

>>> lazing on the sand under the beutiful sky~<<<

2004-07-17T02:05:00.000+08:00

++ mI & jaYne ++

-= + :: s e n t o s a ::+ =-

2004-07-17T01:34:00.000+08:00

-= + :: s e n t o s a ::+ =-

wOhoo~ blogger got new features!!! can make my entires prettier now~! haha~ so nice~ finally can haf different colours for my text....tink last time cannot...or mayb i dunno how~ wahahah` wadever~

yEaH~ had a whole morning of boring chem and math lectures....from 9 to 12:30..wahz...sianz!!! But the good thing is that finally the syllabus seemed to b finishing....yea!!! BUT!!! tHat also signifies that exams drawing nearer and nearer and nearer....Boo~ Hoo ~Scary! Haiz...haf been mugging recently, trying to buck up with my revisions( well, at least i know and can feel that i am putting in much much more effort then i ever had) Haiz....i noe its still not enough~ a bit panicking and a bit di-moralised yea~ cos like never ending and like still got so many thousand and one things that i still dunno` haiz~ wadever~ tink i can juz put in my utmost effort now and see what it turns out liaoz....be it if its too late or wadz....

okaez...nvm abt that.....yaE~ despite everything~ 2dae finally manage to take a break from the tutorials and revisions to go Sentosa!!! yEa~ sO fun! okaez.....more of like to relax then to haf fun larz......Jia Shyuan, Kok, Junhui, hsing Chish, Fish, Jun xian and Doris went first, and i join them rather late lat 3plus.... Wahah~ bUt im not the latest! Febri came at like 5 plus?!?! Then we were like saying he come help us pack up to go home wanz...hahah` he got lost in Sentosa larz~ Aiyo~ consider him to b O2 chairperson, go Sentosa to explore so many times still dunno how to go Palawan Beach~ hahah~ Aiyo~

haha~ aiyo~ intended to go Sentosa to sun tan~ (although I aleradi chao-ta enough) and to spot some beach hunks...But apparently the weather was so fine there's no sun~ and saddest thing is that there's not even a decent guy on the beach worth my attention~ hahha lolz`Aiyo` but nvm larz...still managed to relax myself on the sand and play with the water with my feet.Didn't want to go into the sea with the rest cos veri mafan to bath there later~ hahah~
Yea~ made a sand-sculpture of a tortise which look totally retarded. Then played around with writings on the sand~ Was crazi enough to try to take some 'inspirational' photos by myself of different things larz~ tink i a bit shen jing bing liaoz~ wahahah~

After tat, I cao to go watch Musical Fountain cos i realised after so long i still didn't get to watch the new version. (yar! Thanks to those ppl who promise to watch wif mi next time and next time and next time during the O2 period) aRgh~ Haha~ so crowded...Only manage to see a little bit~ but still quite nice~ Next time muz go watch again and go grab a good sit earlier~

Nevertheless~ Still quite a fun day~Siok to relax from the books once in a while...Went over to Harbor Front to haf dinner at Yoshi~ only then I realised everyone there is from Toa Payoh gang...all took bus home~ left mi alone to take NEL~ *sOb* Put up a nvm and strong front to say its okae~ Haha~ but*sOb* its so bored to haf such a long journey alone~ hahaha~ nvm larz~ I muz grow up to b a independent girl~ lalala~

>>>> |||| s i c k ||||<<<<

2004-07-13T22:27:00.000+08:00

>>>> |||| s i c k ||||<<<<

BlarZ~ im sick~ down with cold, cough and slight asthma....haiz.....felt as if im dying....stayed at home the whole day doing nothing but lie in bed. Although I love to sleep, but now given the oppotunity to sleep whole day...i find it so boring~ bLAr~

Yea the doctor say its due to the haze, then my nose sensitive to it, makes mi cough and fall sick, then my lungs contract and therefore asthma. Haiz....okaez...apparently its more serious then i have thought...Thought is juz a bit of cold and cough....Stupid dcotor gave mi so many medicines~ 7 types manz!!! Knew that one of my greatest fear in life is to take medicine, especially the tablets type...still make mi take so mani~ *aRgH!* Haiz.....was advise to take super good care if myself now cos asthma attacks at tis age is said to b not normal...wadever~

Remeber the last time i had asthma syndrome~ He was wif mi~ Wif mi all the while, coaxing mi all the time like a little child, make sure i take my medicine on time and screaming at mi for taking cold drinks...I used to grumble abt how naggy he was , worse then my mother..but now I kinda miss his nagging~ Miss ya dude~

Okae~ Chris~ its so long time ago...forget it.....haiz...I dunno what im thinking and doing also....oh yar...told the doctor that i always get backaches and leg numbs veri easily...She said that its due to my back injury in gym last time plus all the slamming from judo....*serve mi right* Now im advised not to carry heavy stuff and supposed to go swimming more often to train up my back...if not one day when the bones pressed onto my nerves, im gonna b paralysed....WahZ~ bu hui ba~so serious?!?!?

Haiz~ wadever....theres so many things that i haven done in life....there's so mani things and places in the world that i haven see..I dun wan to end my life so young~ blarz~ sound so much like a saddist now~ blarz...mayb its a sign~ or mayb its juz mi in the sick mood~ WAdever~

Ballet shoes- beautiful, graceful, and creative,
you enjoy dancing writing and music. You are
often very poetic and sometimes dramatic. Even
if dancing isn't your thing, you are still very
creative. You keep to yourself aside from a few
close friends that you can relate to. You find
your own ways to express yourself and don't
have a need to br surrounded by tons of people.
A small group of friends is fine. [please vote!
thank you! :)]

What Kind of Shoe Are You?(new and updated results!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Kagome! you like to hang out with your friends
and are always the first person to volunteer to
show a new student around, you are kind and
giving and enjoy having a occasional sleep-over
with the girls!

What Inuyasha Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a Siren. More adventurous than all with a
voice like no other you sit on warm rocks and
sing to the moon and sea. Yet sometimes
shipwrecks find you and raving men want you.
You are a bottle of talent and power. What the
unknown is you seek to find, and a lover. You
have the moon and stars as freinds. There are a
very few of you, what a rare find. Will you
rate my quiz, I think your voice in just
beautiful?

What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

blarz~ okaez~ enough for 2dae~

!!!!!!!!! B O R E D !!!!!!!!!

2004-07-11T23:55:00.000+08:00

!!!!!!!!! B O R E D !!!!!!!!!

muahhahahzzzz!!!! im bored from studying!!!!been sitting there mugging till my ass hurts....sianz! seemed like a never ending journey of mugging....i noe it will end...but the end seems so faaaaaaarrrrrr awayyyyyy....*gRuMp* wadever...gotta hang on....not gonna let the people around mi disappoint again~ I swear in the name of Chris~

*sOb* Jianing's going back to Aus on Wed....so soon...haven realli spent time wif her tis time she came back...(as usual i was too busi mugging)haiz....gonna miss my laogong when she go back...the next time ican see her is gonna b Dec liaoz...by then I should b all free to go chill out wif her...hope so~

haiz....im bored and bired and nothing else but bored!!! Some wan save mi!!!!!

You are a child's kiss. Completely sweet and
innocent and pure. You mean no harm and only
love in your sweet kisses.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

sianz~ hahah~ can't i b any more interesting than that?!?!lolz~

You're Soroity Slut Barbie! You're easy and you're
really cheesy! Have fun with the entire
football team.

If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

what the ..... R(A) quiz manz~ MAn!!! Im underage!!!! Wad a crap!!!

You are going to marry Brad Pitt. He is always
friendly to anybody he ever meets and he is
very talented as an actor. He is also very
sincere and friendly. He will respect you until
the day he dies. Congrats!!

Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (14 choices now!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Woahz! if only....hahahah~!

...:: || b l a r z || :: ..

2004-07-11T00:55:00.000+08:00

...:: || b l a r z || :: ..

Wahahahz~ wad a saturday! Got nothing on...no school, no dates, no plans~ Cool manz!!! So loooong ever since i had such a carefree day~ Woke up early to finish some tutorials and slept and laze around the rest of the day~ SIok!!!!

Haha bring my bro for swimming lesson 2dae since i got nothing better to do. First time see my bro's coach~ not bad looking yea~ haha~ He reminds mi of Nicky somehow~ dunno why~ mayb of the sporty look and the tanness larz~ yeah~ speaking of tat guy, wonder how is he~ Heard he got into some NDU special unit thingy which is like damm tough~ aiyo~ dunno larz.. so long never see him, hope he's fine~ kinda of miss tis guy~ (heyz?!?) yar~ my YV01 angel and neighbour and ... haha~ (okay dunno y i've been recalling many people tat i've not seen for long recently...i tot it only happens to people when they are dying???)
Yeah~ still remember the time when he was my angel in camp, haf to admit that he's quite sweet larz...after i heard abt the many stories that i didn't noe after camp form other people...
And the Christmas Party at Becky's house when we were playing murderer...He's always trying to kill mi when he's the murderer even when he's juz sitting beside mi~ haha he will knudge mi to wink at mi but i never get the hint to die~ lolz~ wadever~ crazi times~ miss yv~

aiyo` why the hell am i tinking so much abt him~ ShEN jInG bInG~!
okayz~ had enough rest liaoz....muz start mugging again soon` tink tat's gonna b my life in my no-life life for the next few months (huhz?)

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	-10,000,000 damn you suck
your best quality is	youre a sweetheart
your worst quality is	nothin'
this is because	Its who you are

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

You're Element is Light. You are friendly, happy,
social, bubbly, and can brighten up any one's
day. You are very kind and a real people person
because you have several friends (or atleast
should). You're cheery nature makes you lovable
and your stunning looks are sweet and stand
out.

What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

Faerie:
Faeries are sweet loving beings who love to help
people. They are not held back by reality and
love to dream and fly around. You probably are
very creative and although not the most popular
person in the world you are probably loved by
many for your sweet caring personality.

What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

!?@#$% w o o d s t o c k !?@#$%

2004-07-09T23:51:00.000+08:00

!?@#$% w o o d s t o c k !?@#$%

Hmmm....2dae stayed back in school for so damm long juz to support woodstock, yar...NY's veri own rock concert. Not some super grand thing, more like some mini buskers in sch... not many ppl stayed back as compared to last yr lehz....tink bcos of lack of publicity tis yr larz...haha

Yeah~ end sch at like 1:10 and waited in sch until 5:30 plus....
went library to study wif fish, junhui, nat, angel and bird...haha~ lied to the librarian and bked the discussion room~ quite nice to study there yea~ haha! first time i go into a discussion room manz~ hahah! (tat shows how often i frequent the library..)

Kaez....woodstock finally started, as usual later then the time they said, and the system screwed up a little. Haha~ if only tis is a council project, we will shall kanna pump again manz~ yar~ the bands wunt as gd as expected... Waste my time to stay back for so long...should haf gone back wif nat earlier manz~ Some kuku guys including Vegus tried to go in front to mush so as to bring up the audience's spirit. Mi, weini, angel, fish and netty wanted to join them, but ended too hum~ hahah~ finally when we took our first step to step in front , we realised we look like idiots cos we cunt bring oursleves to act crazi like the guys when the music really could not bring us high!!! Haha~ so basicily the four girls juz try to entertain ourselves by making fun out of everything including weini's dance~ haha~ Lolz!!!

okaez~ yea` Mr Lee and Lo-ann Tay came back to perform wif their band too~ they were okay larz....better then the previous bands cos their music too hard rock liaoz~ I dun like...but Lee's band played music which is not so much of our generation, so didn't realli enjoy it as well...

Yurpz~ finally is Richard's band...Haha~ Grace was so excited came around to pull us to the front say is his 'dick's' band , muz support (well, thats wad Grace calls Richard~hAhA~!) wadever.
Finally a band that can make it and plays music that i noe and enjoy... hehe~ manage to catch back the rock spirit and the four of us finally start jumping wif the crowd~ haha~ woohz~tink thats the only thing that was enjoyable for the whole nite manz~ yea

Yurpz~ 2dae accidentally send the wrong msg to Hongyao and started toking to him~ HahA~ Van actually told him abt us kanna bounced at MU tat night~ so no face!!! Yeah~ he said next time after A's muz go chiong togther and sleep overnite @ Esplanade again~ Hahaha!!!! He still remember the last time we spent the whole cold night trying to sleep at Esplande after chionging and was penniless manz! so funni! And he seemed to remember and enjoy tat incident so much~ hahah! so funni~! Okay but wadever it is I promised to self-ground myself till after A's. Yea~ Hongyao says he will make sure i stay by my words~ hahah! wadever~

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	Sense of Humour
In a survival situation, you:	Play dead
Your hidden talent is:	Pragmatism
Your gift is:	Artistic talent
In groups, you:	Play an organisational role
Your best quality is:	Your generosity
Your weakness is:	Being unforgiving

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

What Makes You Sexy? by eva71
Name/NickName
Gender
Sexy Body Part Is	Your Hands
Special Talents Are	Absolutely Nothing

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Hopeless Romantic
Your Favorite Band/Song	Birthday Massacre - Over
You Like To Read:	The backs of cereal boxes
You Firmly Believe In:	Orange juice
Everyone Thinks You Are:	You don't have any friends
You Were Conceived:	In a bed, duh
You Will Marry:	A homeless man/woman

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

what the...muahaha~ total crap!!!

Pop punk... I'm not really that fond of you, but
you can churn out some good stuff... Old punk
doesn't really like you but you couldn't care
less...besides it's all about having fun isn't
it?

What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

s o b z

2004-07-08T22:18:00.000+08:00

**** s o b z ****

haiz....bad day....got back all my results for mid-years today. Tink im getting a OFF manz....O for physics, F for chem and math....

Sianz....apparently i spent most effort in math tis time and yet i still get tis type of shity marks... Haiz....realli feel like giving up on my math 2dae manz!!! Mayb im juz simply a CMI!!! Wadever~ Even my most confident paper GP is a total screw up.... Dunno what's in my mind to go and choose a weird and funni qestion that no wan else will do....'The main purpose of arts is to challenge social boundaries. Do u agree?' Crazi...yesh~ Boo saes the whole GP department is like trying to find out who's the idiot who chose this question which is so hard to approach. And yesh~ im tat idiot. Dunno what else's there for mi to screw up for tis exam manz~ haiz....

Shall mug from now on....Even to the extend of totally having no life. Im gonna stay back in sch and dominate the SL from next week onwards to mug and mug and mug and mug...ARHHHHH!!!!!
Shall bare with the no life for the next few months so as to haf better life after A's...Thats if possible....but who noes...i might juz screw up everything again...

Haiz...i mei yao jiu lez!!!! Screw Up Chris!~ U r a Moron!!!!

.:: Chris Feeling ::. Disappointed and Dismay.

---<<< [ m i s s i n g y o u ] >>>---

2004-07-08T01:00:00.000+08:00

---<<< [ m i s s i n g y o u ] >>>---

My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
Cuz my heart's been through it before
Am I'm just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true
Could you really be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
(Who warns) my ups and downs
So tell me now
Before I fall in love

And I'm at the point of no return
So afraid of getting burned
But I wanna take a chance
Oh please
Give me a reason to believe
Say you're the one that you'll always be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
(Who warns) my ups and downs
So tell me now
Before I fall in love

It's been so hard for me
To give my heart away
But I would give my everything
Just to hear you say...

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
(Who warns) my ups and downs
So tell me now
Before I fall in love-- Coco Lee, Before I fall in love.

2004-07-07T02:34:00.000+08:00

my dear NYJC 26th Student Council 2003/2004

:: :: :: >>>26th in memory<<< :: :: ::

2004-07-07T00:53:00.000+08:00

:: :: :: >>>26th in memory<<< :: :: ::

today~ a day that ends a long-walked journey but begins to another to the friendships of the 26th Student Council. The 27th Student Council investiture. Which in another word is our official stepping-down ceremony.

Released from lesson to get change into the invest-u. Tink its gonna b the last time we 'r gonna wear it, at least as a councillor. Everyone tried to make sure we look good and smart, as it will b the last time we will b presented to the school as a whole 26th Student Council.

Told myself that its just gonna b a ceremony, not gonna b a crying baby animore...but in the end, in the midst of jayne speech, still, all the memories and stuff juz flashed through my mind and tears juz come down like nobody's business~ blarz~

Guess its not so much abt controlling and whether or not to b a cry-baby~ Its juz that all of us had gone through so much and gone that far...To declare a an end to it si realli veri heartbreaking....Nvm..I believe in Jayne's speech, the journey might seemed to haf ended, but our friendships will b on an everlastign journey....
"Once a councillor, always a councillor"

Took photos with almost everyone today ( sorrie to those whom i've missed out) juz want to keep a memory of everyone of u in mi so that next time even when i grow old and dying i can look back at all my beautiful friends.

hope the council like the cd-rom that Aesthec made for them (Thanks to clarence!!!) I've juz watched it again fro the dunno how many tiems liaoz....Brought back so much memories, smiles and cries....Gonna miss council lotz lotz lotz lotz lotz.......

2004-07-07T00:33:00.000+08:00

++ Cristiano Ronaldo Rox!!!! ++

>++++ Cristiano Ronaldo ++++<

2004-07-06T23:28:00.000+08:00

>++++ Cristiano Ronaldo ++++<

BOhoo~ so tired from staying up to watch the Euro finals last night. What a match manz!!! Went CHIJmes to watch soccer wif Shawn, Febri and Andre...haha~ weird combi~ yea~ but wat ever, met Huixiang and Yong Cheng also....So sat wif them to watch since they already had seats...saw a lot of other NY ppl too~

Hahah~ was supporting Portugal all the way~ cos expect them to win and of cos! bcos of Ronaldo!!! holy cow!! This guy juz caught my attention manz!!!! Yea~ to mi he played pretty well throughout the match larz...juz miss a bit of luck. A few shots by him was caught by the white-haired goalkeeper. Haiz....mayb tats y he's so sad when he lost the match.

YAr~ still can't stop toking abt him....first half-of the match, he's still so smiley smiley throughout the match, watever happened, still can see that bright cheeky smile on his face.(So cute!!!)Haha~ but after Greece Scored, tink he panick manz....start seeing that super seiours look on his face as he dashed and gave all in to attack...Too bad the Greece defend was juz too strong larz...After they lost, he broke down and cry like a baby boy~ Wahz!!! Broke my heart manz! He cry until eys and face so red....make mi feel like going over to give him a hug... (Haha! FAt hope!)

Understand the feeling larz...when u tried so hard to win , and the trophy is juz like right in front of u yet u miss it.It always happen in Sports. Then lose liaoz, for the moment, the feeling is like the whole world has collapse on u. All the limelight is on the winning team and u juz feel so lousy and isolated. Then u would start blaming urself that if only u had tried juz that little bit more or put in that little more effort, the result might b different..Haiz.....

Can't beleive im so into him...I can't explain y....but yar!!! haha actually went online to search abt him~ crazi manz~and guess wad!!! his no. are all my favourite nos!!! No. 7 and 17!!!!muahahah~ WO SHEN JING BING LE!!!!

Christiano Ronaldo factfile
Born, 5 February, 1985, Madeira, Portugal.
Height: 184cm
Weight: 75kg
Position: Striker
Previous club: Sporting Lisbon
International honours: Portugal U15, 16, 17 and senior international caps.

/\/\/\/\ f r i e n d s /\/\/\/\

2004-07-04T01:39:00.000+08:00

/*\/*\*/\*/*\ f r i e n d s /*\/*\*/\*/*\

Mummy!!!! the kitchen table got a lot of ants!!!! Wat the......ARHHH!!!!!!Hope my mother kills them 2mr morning...if not i wunt dare to haf breakfast!!!!

Okayz...enough of panic......veri tiring day...gonna type tis fast and i wan go sleep liaoz....

Council:
Went school to haf the final investiture rehersal. Woahz...investiture is only 3 days away...which means 3 days more im officially stepped down. dunno how im gonna feel then....happi? or not?I dunno...dun want to go and think now...think now then the feeling then will not b genuine liaoz....

Yeah~ rehersal 2dae was normal. Everyone is back to the cheery, hyper attitude. yeah~ everything was fine...My court shoes hurts my leg like hell manz!!! Breaking all my toes and wearing it for long is hurting my knee....*sobz*
Eepsz....if next time i realli want to b lawyer then how to always wear court shoes...aiyo~ shall be trendy lawyer...still feel better in slippers and track shoes~ =)

Yeah~ took a lot of photos of council 2dae.....commitees and adhocs....everyone so happi~ miss those happi days...yurpz` then during council evaluation....was toking abt wat we feel about council...and Wendy brought up a point that it has been a roller coaster ride for us... Suddenly something strike mi that i tink its veri true...whether or not its happi occasions or quarrals wadever....if there's no ups and downs...and oni expect it to b up, then the roller coaster ride wunt b interesting and as memorable animore.Guess it applies to many other things as well...

4Grace class gathering!!!!
Yeah!!! Had 4Grace02 class gathering at Marina Bay. Was steamboat buffet....pretty fun.....since jianing is back....veri long never gather liaoz...
yurpz.....18 ppl (plus Ziqing, shin's bf) came...so much more then i expected...Peiyi, YeeTeng,Pinkie, Suellen, XinWei, Kaiyan, Germaine, Chingsze, shin, Ziqing, Zhiqi, mi, Jianing, Rafaela, Shawn, Vanessa, yuqin....

HahaA~ Eat and laugh at each other and gossip....so usual of us...simple but fun...some people has changed, but some people remained the same....Xinwei changed her specs, Chingsze got long hair,Raf got new tatoo, Peiyi as nosiy...hahah~ miss those days in 4Grace~

Yeah~ simple gathering...then mi, shawn, vanessa, Jianing, Shin, Ziqing decided go chill out. Shin and Ziqing went Wine bar....The rest of us ended going MU to find Hongming cos Shawn want to go...Yeah~ dunno y in no mood to club...mayb i was not dressed to club,thus affected my mood, or im juz tired. Wadever, got bounced out aniwae....ended up at Swing to juz drink, chill, tok and enjoy the music..Dunno why my excitment for clubbing and stuff seemed to haf died, or at least not as much as last time...mayb cos im so much into mugging now...no life...wadever...no longer interest mi tat much...haiz i dunno larz....

Yeah` then went back wif jianing...miss her.....so long then she come back once...tink tis yr is the 5th yr she's my laogong liaoz...wahaha~ since sec2....yeah~ tok to her on the train...realised she has matured so much more comapred to last time liaoz...she's like an adult ready for the working world liaoz lorz...haiz....ppl uni liaoz wadz...yeah~ was toking abt future prospects, then i realised i am not veri clear abt what i want to do next time...i want to do so mani things...but so undecided...haiz....tink i'll juzpass my A's first then sae larz...

Yeah~ tok too much liaoz...nothing much to say liaoz.....nitz.....zzZZZzzZZ

* y a w n z *

2004-07-02T18:48:00.000+08:00

*** y a w n z ***

woahz....after exam slacking mood. Slept for the whole day yesterday after Paper...2dae still feel veri sleepy...

12pm.
Met Jianing, Sandy and Zhiqi back in St'nicks to haf lunch. B-U day for St'nicks 2dae..so everyone was in colourful coustumes having celebrations in the hall.Haha~ miss those days...haha~ as usual, saw some of the Bimbos wear until like duno wad shit....wadever...

Ohhh......luv the food in SN manz.....Wanted to eat everything,but veri full, so only eat the curry chicken noodles and the ever-ymmuy ice-milo. Yummy~ Mayb next time shall go back there to study more often so tat can eat more and drink more ice-milo....

2pm.
Met Cheryl and hsing Chieh at Sommerset to go shopping for Xinhui's present. Haha couldn't decide wat to buy for her...wanted to buy her a orange top or a orange bag...but didn't see ani nice wanz....in the end decided to buy her some nice orange bikini....haha~ hope she'll like it~

Yeah~ walking around town for like the whole afternoon....as usual saw a lot of ppl.....ppl that i noe and recognized....ppl that i seemed to recognize but can't remember who...and also ppl who seemed to know mi, but i got no impression of them...wadever..

Haiz...bought a pair of realli cute pink butterfly earrings for Shawn....Shall pass to her later during tuition...hope she'll like it...=)

Okay...off to tuition liaoz...im still sleepy....thanks to all the late nite soccer matches....haiz....better not doze of during tuition later~

++ s c a r e of the m o n t h ++

2004-06-30T02:13:00.000+08:00

>++ s c a r e of the m o n t h ++

wahzhzhz~ juz had an islandwide blackout for almost 1.1/2 hr!!! scary manz!!!! so dark...so hot....so bored....caught mi by surprise....Haha~ but overall quite fun larz....excuss to take a break from studying. When suddenly blackout, can hear the whole neighbourhood's shocking sound, then slowly see small little sparkles of torch ligths and candle lights from every househole window....look a bit like national day parade yea~ hahah~ then got ppl make use of situation make funni sounds etc....getting fun out of misery...

More worried abt the traffic on the road. Traffic light also down, all the cars dunno when to stop and when to go...ppl crossing the road also like veri dangerous...luckily nothing much happened manz....

Haha~ watever...wad an experience to remember. Actually Singapore look pretty cool when its all dark yea~ (once in a while)...hahha~ finally some peaceful moments and no more buzzing night life...woahz~

watever, chem paper 1,2 and Phy Paper 1 left. Jia you..Hope i didn't die too badly for tis time...

[ last . day . of . holz --> towards imprisonment of A's]

2004-06-26T20:03:00.000+08:00

[ last . day . of . holz --> towards imprisonment of A's]

boohhoo...two days never blog liaoz....cos life has been so monotonous that there's nothing much for mi to say....and i bet the life to come will b as dry...*sob* wad to do.....a phrase i must go through before i can enjoy. I CAN'T WAIT FOR A'S TO B OVER!!!!

Hmmm....realli nothing much manz...tink the more happening part of these few day will b watching the Euro2004 match lorz.Wahahaha....everything is so unexpected manz..... Portu won England, Greece won Franch. Hmm...in the sports areana, everything is always so unexpected. No one is the ultimate winner until the end. Haiz, watever. Realised England wasn't that good after all. Haha~ but guess wadz, I tink Ronaldo from "Portu is cute!! hahah~ tink Weini is right, he has got the punk look, which is why i tink he caught my attention. (oopse, am i watching the ball or am i watching the guys?!?!) muahahah...yeah~ juz tink that he look kind of cheeky on the field, yet serious and focused during the game....so cute!!!!Okay~ wadever,haiz....hope by semi-finals and finals, exam would haf ended manz~

Yeah~ 2dae, exam started.GP paper. Apparently my most confident paper yet i screwed it up. Esp Paper1, dun even noe what am i writing manz. Chose a sucky question , which only at the end then i realised that i dunno how to write. Paper 2 also didn't manage to finish AQ.Haiz...gone case. Confirm fail wanz. Tink tis time i a bit complacent over GP, tot i sure can do wanz, then didn't bother to revise or do any preparation. Regret. Nvm, lesson learnt, shall study and prepare myself better for Prelims and A's.

Yurpz, Chem and Math on Mon and Phy on tue, all haven finish studying. Gonna mug againz~ Hope i dun do too over badly for this coming mid-yrs....*bLaRz*

Fun. You Truly Desire Fun. Your always willing and
ready to play a game, whatever it may be. But
be careful, you cn tend to get a little too
competitive.

PLEASE RATE

What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS*
brought to you by Quizilla

Punk! My kind of friend. You could care less what
other ppl think of you. You want friends who
like you for who you are and not what you have.
I mean, sure, sometimes you stick fries up your
nose, but thats ok. People love you because you
crack them up immensly! Your amoung friends!
Rate my quiz fellow Homie!

Are you one of the three P's? (Punk/Prep/Poser)?
brought to you by Quizilla

footsie - you like to goof around and laugh with
the people you care about.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

mUaHaHAa~ wads tat?!?!?

-::-+ i n s p i r e d +::-

2004-06-24T23:17:00.000+08:00

-::+ i n s p i r e d +::-

To my friends:

What You Are To Me

I am a rose, you are my thorns,
clutching to me, protecting me.
I am the sun, you are my rays,
helping me to shine and to be all that I can.
I am a lake, you are my water,
filling me with ideas, dreams, and hopes for the future.
I am a tree, you are my leaves,
sharing who and what I am
and becoming an important part of my life.
I am a heart, you are my beat,
beating rhythmically to my happiness,
my fear, my sadness, my excitement.
I am me and you are with me,
to share all that I am,
to share life, love, and happiness.

Always.

- Bernice Ellrick -

::I believe in angels,The kind that heaven sends,
I am surrounded by angels,But I call them friends.::- Aizabel Parinas

Your Heart is Pink

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well your Happy, yes thats right your so happy, so
pretty and witty and if i go on any more i will
have to pay for the rights of this song so,
great jop your one of the lucky ones.

What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

++ :: l o v e ::++

2004-06-22T23:34:00.000+08:00

++ :: l o v e ::++

yeah~! lovely day~

12:30p.m
Met Shawn, wen chien, wan leng, victor, hong jun, xing cong, pei wen, sherlyn at J8 2dae to go Bishan Home. Had lunch at yoshi first. Haha~ at Yoshi, damm funni, Hong jun and wan leng tat couple is damm funni but sweet, pushing food to each other. Hong Jun blamm wan leng for making him so fat and wen chien keep saying wan leng so thin bcos Hongjun steal her food.

Wahz....never expect couples to emerge from my group before. Haha~ last time somewan told mi that yv has nurtured a lot of couples liaoz...and especially in the volunteering field, a lot of successful couples. Haha~ now tink of it quite true yea~ a lot of love birds tat i noe...haha Cliff and Sara,jun wen and lijie, etc etc and many more whom wasn't veri successful and many more which i tink i dun noe..wadever...hahah so sweet...-= love is in the air=-

2:00p.m
Reach Bishan Home,woahz~ realli miss the place manz...miss all the people, miss those days of attachment there, miss those warm stuff who are like our friends. Yurpz, the moment we step in, some of them recognize us and greeted us so happily. Woahz, they juz give u a feeling like u juz returned home after a long journey or something. Kit Weng as usual gave us a veri sweet smile and ask us to write in his book. So cute!!! yurpz, we were given the job to scrub the floors of two dorms. DAmm funni larz!!!! The toilets realli stink like hell manz! Oni Victor and Hongjun dare to hold their breathe to go in to wash. Haha~ not forgeting the shit incident...hahah~ YUCKS!!!okaez...shall not go into it...its juz duisguisting manz.

Yeah~ Shawn and I haf to leave early to study. Before we left, went to the MPH where most of the clients were to juz see them. When we walked in, mi and Shawn was toking, suddenly Wan Ting juz walk over and hold my hand.WAhz!! She's juz such a sweetheart lorz!!! Miss her so much manz! She pull mi to sit beside her and like she always does, she juz stare at mi with the looks like 'I miss you so much' that type of thing... Wahz~ melted manz...Then as usual, she hugged and sniff mi~ WAhz! U juz feel like staying with her forever manz... No conversation, but the feeling is juz there. Know that she miss mi and is so happi to see mi and same for mi too.

Too bad, can't stay for long. Had to say bye to Wan Ting and promised her i will come back next time to sing sogn wif her. (Hope i keep up to my promise). WEnt around to see and tok tosome other clients. Saw Steve, Eng Leng, Kenneth and some otehr clients at the cafe area also. Eng leng is another darling manz... So Happi when see us. I say next time bring him go see monkey again~ then he so excited~ hahahha~ lolz...

yurpz, after that Shawn and I went to the interchange Macs to find Shane to study, but Macs was so crowded lorz! Forget it.. mi and Shawn went j8 to pig around instead. Had great fun toking to Shawn manz...juz always haf so much topic to say wif her....hahah endless manz... Oh Yar!!! Saw Andre too~ haha more like he saw mi~

yurpz! feel so good today. Like love is all around. I love the people at Bishan Home and all my volunteers too! never felt so proud of any of my other groups. I mean, usually is expect the team facilitor to gather everyone back to go back to volunteer, but they took the initiative to arrange everything, call up the home and then ask us along instead. I tink this is truely the type of volunteers we are hoping to nurture lorz~ And can realli see that they are people who realli wants to volunteer from the bottom of their heart and more importantly, they enjoy it! Yeah` specially mention to Victor, who juz came and join us at Bishan Home when we asked him to even though he's not from YV like us manz..manage to clit veri well wif the rest and he realli puts in a lot of effort manz~ *clap*clap* yurpz, hope together with this group of volunteers, can further develop the YMCA-Bishan Volunteer Group. oh yar, toking abt that,tink since we are in-charge of it, we better start putting in more effort into it manz, so far like always sae and never do.

yurpz... so much sentiments today!!!

2dae when watch Child's hope II, I cried, the boy is juz so poor thing. Suddenly a lot of thoughts run in my mind:

1. Sometimes, when people are driven to the extreme and break down, just a little love from the people around can bring about brightness, hope and a little smile.

2. Be appreciative of what we are now and what we have. Cos not everyone in the world are lucky like what we are. simplicity is the way to happiness.

3. I have eyes to see the beautiful world, lets share the beautiful sights wif people around us.
I have ears to hear the sound of my friends, lets not be stingy wif our communications.
I have mouth that I can express, lets express our love and concern for the others.

okayz...trying to sound poetic, but juz feel that with the ability why not spread some love to the people aound us, its realli juz so siple, yet so wonderful.

Yeah~ juz now nothing to do, went search for YVIP blogs, came out a lot of people's blog that has mentioned about YVIP. Sorrie, went to read it, apologise for invading of privacy. but i realised that YV has realli created an impact in many people's life juz like what it did to mine. Too bad tis yr's yv04 has been disbanded. Hope one day YV can be organized again so that it can touch more people's life. I definately will give my best to support it!

.:: Chris enjoying::.. Ritz Apple Strudel and Young coconut juice.

.:: Chris listening::.. Where is the love - Black eye peas

.:: Chris feels::.. loved.

Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and
your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and
as many say "Your head is in the
clouds."

What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is really crap...if u try the queations...

Your soul is OPTIMISTIC. You tent to look to the
brighter side of things, and your positive
outlook on life makes others happy. People love
your open, unassuming nature and your innocent
belief in good for you, the grass on your side
of the fence is always greener. You are rarely,
if ever, pessimistic or doubtful, and you try
your hardest to make life the best it can be,
for yourself and others. You are a joyful and
radiant soul.

What Is Your Soul's Trait?
brought to you by Quizilla

Bring It On!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

------ bored. by. books!!!! -------

2004-06-21T13:03:00.000+08:00

------ bored. by. books!!!! -------

booohooohoo.....last week of hols...gonna b a super boring but tensed up week...sianz....juz gonna be study study and study, And i hope i do i what i say~ haha

yurpz....was realli bored from studying the whole morning~ so come here and crap and continue some more lame quizes...heheh~

A GARAGE-GURL. Youre into loud music, hot guys and
wild fashions. Youre most at ease when you've
got all your mates around you and you like toparty. Boys are a game and youre always on the ball because you make sure you're always number one.

Your virtues: Confidence, fun nature,
sociability.

Your flaws: Loudness, jealous tendency, need for
attention..

What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

hahah~ not that bad yea~ quite close.....so dun call mi childish!!! =)

Raver Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most
of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but
Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure
Angels always appear when a child is born, when
a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their
first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear
in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold
wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and
show their love to everyone in the world.

What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

woohoo~ okaez...enough fun for now...go study liaoz...blarz~

+++++ s e n t i m e n t s. +++++

2004-06-20T23:06:00.000+08:00

+++++ s e n t i m e n t s. +++++

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love - Nelly Furtado, Try

discover your inner candy heart @ quiz me

LJ Barcode

- i n t o x i c a t e d -

2004-06-20T01:47:00.000+08:00

- i n t o x i c a t e d -

okay...after all the trashing out of thoughts and crying juz now....now feel so much better....gonna pick myself up again, so happened to tap on some real cool and funni quizes so try on it...hahah hope all this lame shit can cheer mi up yea~ =)

your asshole.

What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

How to make a Christine Ng Kai Xin

Ingredients:

1 part intelligence

3 parts courage

1 part empathy

Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little lustfulness if desired!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

You are a goddess!

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

wahahaha!!!! lolz! tis is so crap!!!

||||| c r y s t a l . t e a r s |||||

2004-06-19T23:48:00.000+08:00

||||| c r y s t a l . t e a r s |||||

.:: Song playing::.- Crystal tears by Scott Williams

Today started off pretty well but ended off pretty bad. Its both totally not related, but mayb cos its unrelated, but when compared, makes the big difference in my feelings for both.

In the morning, went down to Steven's road YMCA to help out in the heartzlink jumble sale. Realli cool manz... my first time and realli excited abt it. Yar, saw many people that i've not seen for long. Other than shawn whom i've seen more then often (haha), saw ximei,shu hui, andy, thomas, kenny, cherrie, jasmine, ronghui, uncle jim, timothy, Tracey and vick. Oh, got to know this guy hu's oni sec1, kok siang from YSP, veri nice and friendly guy. Yar...Tok to Vick, realli miss him manz~ Still as caring as ever, asking mi how am i nowadaes. Dunno why juz can feel this special concern when tok to him ever since last time. The nicest guy I've ever noe. Miss those days where after volunteer outings or wadever, taking bus home together and he will walk mi home, or we will share cab and he will always send mi home first. Will always feel so motivated when toking to him and secure when wif him. Oopse haha~ sound like i like him or something, haha juz that he's realli veri nice larz...

Yurpz, then went lunch wif shawn, uncle jim and two new japanese friend of Shawn's at Scotts. Noe that Japanese guy from the Youth Forum, but juz got to met his wife. Realli funnily fun people. Loving couple. Though there's language barrier, but still had a happy lunch together. Haha regret not going for the International Sports Carnival at Penang manz....so fun and can meet so mani fun people.

Yeah~ back home, when i on my comp to check my email, everything great today no longer significant. Email filled with msges of councillors posting their thoughts and comments about wat happened yesterday on the council blog. Read through everything one by one and tears juz incontrollably filled my eyes. I dunno, its this feeling that im realli sad. Admit, rather disappointed and unhappy at some of the comments.I tink no wan can understand my feelings now. No one. Even I myself dunno how to sae it. Why has the council that has brought mi so much beautiful memories become so political and stuff. I mean, can call mi immature or watever, can't everything b juz so pure and simple? I noe we can't turn back things that has happened, but haven the friendships that we haf built strong enough to pervent things from happening even before we start regretting it?
Everyone that has posted or commented has a point in one way or another,but everyone is too so engross in saying what they feel. Like Everyone wans to tok but no wan is listening. I got so many things that i want to post on the council's blog too, but wasn't able to log in.

Nvm ,tink even if i manage to log in, i also dunno how to say what i want to say and what i feel into words. Moreover, this time, watever has happened has one way or another concerned mi in a pretty personal way. Dun tink i can stay neutral or rational in my words. Dun want to post things and cause more commotins, shall juz keep my commands to myself to reflect upon it. But mayb if there's a chance, juz want to clarify some stuff.

Yeah` another bad thing that happened is the failure in pushing for the council cd-packaging. Make mi go through so much work and now everything is scrap. A bit angry and disappointed, bcos this time not only has affected mi alone, but my dad and his work. Think back, only giving budget for cd, then why the hell ask mi to be in charge of packaging since there is no budget for packaging. Why gif mi a responsiblity to make mi put effort into it and ended up feeling not needed and not neccessay? I juz hate the feeling of bringing somewan high up then let the person fall. (Bad memories from gym last time). Why is it repeating again?!?!

ArgH!Juz want to end the council term wif something realli nice for council, At least the best i tink i can gif. but wif all that has happened. Im realli tired. Tired of everything that is happening around mi. Tired of being the angel peacemaker. Tired of giving my best.

Juz tired. I wan to give up.Im soooo tired. Not the first time im going through this and I hate it. Everytime u feel so great, like u are the happiest person in the world and holds the most beautiful memories, then it follows with darkness that blinds everything else. Falling from a higher spot is always more painful and dangerous. I hate this feeling. How i wish can get back the simple life that i've longed to have.
.:: chris feels::.confused.lost.hurt

....:::: d i s a p p o i n t e d :::::....

2004-06-19T01:59:00.000+08:00

....:::: d i s a p p o i n t e d :::::....

haiz.....2dae was a totally screwed up day. So many unpleasent things happened. Well, went to school as normal for investiture rehersal. Was a combined rehersal wif the 27th. At first,everything went on fine, all of us were happily sitting there looking at the elects and commenting on the so many things they haf to improve on (guess last yr we were also like tat). Haha but most of us agreed that they will learn through their coming council journey. Nvm, then we went through our part of the investiture, well, i should sae that with all the many experiences we had, we haf met up wif the expectations. Yea, seemed like it shows how capable our council are yea...

But definately not when conflicts start to build up when among ourselves, we were commenting on changing the entrance song. Well, i guess to be more specific, it was between Solico and Aesthec.Solico wans to haf something more loud like Jamilia's Superstar, but Aesthec feels that to go with the 27th solemness for the investiture, we should stay with classical music or instrumental jazz.

yurpz, so the commotion started, knew that my fellow Aesthec members were realli unhappi abt that. They were even angrier when they heard Andre scold Aesthec 'fucked up'. Bloody hell~! I mean its okay if we dun see things from the same point of view, but there's no need to scold vulgarities at us ritz~! Who will not be angry when someone scold ur commitee like that~

Think back on my own stand, I really feel that they realli take things too serious and too harsh lorz~ I mean, we were not against your idea, juz suggested that lets take a vote. I mean is it fair that u guys can choose to stand up for what u tink is better and we can't??? Moreover, arn't it all for making OUR investiture a better wan for the school to remember us??? FOr mi, I realli tried to be the peacemaker like what I haf always been lorz, After the disagreement, i tried to calm Hsing Chieh , Xinhui they all down and juz put things back to normal...But then it realli do piss mi off when u scold us like that~ RIGHT IN OUR FACE! Okay, im getting a bit irrational here liaoz, dunno if im seeing things in this way cos its MY commitee and im siding it but yar....

I seriously feel that after like one whole long council term, is this the type of friendship that we haf built? Before everything, we were still watching clarence's video and bringing back sweet memories of how we went through events after events together as one. And now, on the day of rehersal for the stepping down of our council, we are having internal conflict? WHAT'S THIS MANZ!!!!

Yurpz, i dunno, but kind of feel realli disappointed to see what happened today, eveyone so segregated back to their own commitees. I tot we are One COuncil, One Voice, One, body, One mind, One soul, AS ONE???? Well mayb all this has proven to be crap after what happened today. Exactly how close are we as one council? I tot we all shld haf learnt to see things in others perspective, be patient with one another and be open to one another? I tink its juz normal for even any person to haf these simple qualities lorz, not mentioning us the council, who are supposedto be exemplary and elite of all. Yar...oni elite in our work and for show to others, within ourselves ~ no. yurpz, juz veri sad to see the friendship in council turn sour.

My words to Andre:
Hey dude, i know u r seriously a very nice guy, juz always too crude wif ur words. I mean its not the first time. U hurt mi and my clan during 01 and said it was a joke. Fine, mayb i was getting too attached and emotional then. But now u r scolding my commitee, in vulgarities. Pls, take notes of ur words, u r not hurting a commitee of people, u r hurting and almost destroying the friendship that we haf built as well. sometimes, not everything said can be simply juz be treated as a joke.

My words to Limei:
Sorrie dear, was realli disappointed to haf heard abt ur comments abt mi during the cheerleading times, I mean I trusted u as a gd friend who share the same views and passion to bring up the cheerleading culture of Nanyang, but u accused mi of saying things about ur team behind ur back and not going direct to u. Well, if i did gif u the impression i did that, or if i did out of irrationality or something, im realli sorrie. I realli dunno what else to say. So many things happened between u and my commitee, its realli hard for mi to take stand sometimes and i believe u noe that i wunt.

To Solico:
We are one council. not juz as commitees. I hope there wunt be grudges between the two commitees. Though today haf realli hurt us deep, let bygons be bygons. Everything, we can sae things out. If u guys think that we are like gossiping and toking back abt each other's commitee outside the SL today, I realli dun mind admitting it. Not that we wan to worsen the situation, but pls try to stand in our shoes to see that we are realli rather pissed off and juz need to throw things out to feel better. If we did make u guys feel wronged in anyway, pls tell us.

And to my dear Aesthec,
Sometimes, we are also too into ourselves, we might also sometime tends to neglect other people's feelings when we tok and offended ppl when we dun noe. I mean as a commitee for so long,I definatly understand that we juz need to say our unjust or our anger out juz to feel better, but sometimes, still have to control abit cos it will definately hurt for whoever hears it and gets affected.But we definately are no push-overs. Although Im always like trying to be the peacemaker and be optimistic about everything that went on,u noe like try to prevent conflicts when possible, but definately will not let aniwan go over our heads too far~ Im still part of Aesthec.

To the whole council,
I hope council will still exist as 1. Juz some thoughts for everyone to ponder upon, 'How deep is your love?' We have definatly did a great job and should be proud of it, but our everlasting journey will not end here, cos the friendship should still be sailing strong against all waves and tides. We have left a legend behind, let it continues and last forever. A star will never be significant in the wide horizon. Its when all the stars comes together to shine against all darkness, then the magestic sight of the galaxy will be appreciated. I luv ya guys lotz~!

Woahz, never wrote such a long blog before, but realli had lots of sentiments about it, cos it definately affects mi great. If not i wunt be sitting here in the middle of the night at 3 plus to put all my feelings down. Haiz...
.:: Chris Feels::.. sad and disappointed(admit im a bit tearing)

p.s I wunt realli expect aniwan to read my blog, but if aniwan does read and realli feels offended, let mi apologise first.

::~-+ i n s p i r e d +~ ::

2004-06-17T23:19:00.000+08:00

::~-+ i n s p i r e d +~ ::

haiz...lazy day. Didn't feel like going to school to study 2dae, so stayed at home tinking that i can study at home as well. BUT! DAMM! I can't! So noisy and hot at home, wif my bro and sis screaming here and there, can't even study lorz!!! Wasted one whole day! Shall camp in sch everyday from 2mr onwards till hols ends.

Yurpz... so ended up watching tv, which i dun usually do. Grandma called at abt 8 plus to ask mi watch channel U, got my uncle. Haha~ yea~ indeed, saw my uncle, Dr Lin, on that shi jie wu jie xian show, showing him and some volunteers at Iran. Haha he grew fatter! Aniwae , quite inspired by what they were doing there, nothing very great, but still, tink it does make a big difference to the life of the refugees there. Actually always had a dream to join the UN missionary troop to go to all those countries to volunteer, but seems rather impossible to me, now that im so
'unfit' can't jog, so can't join SAF. Haiz...people call my dream impractical, but i dunno. Its juz something inside mi that i want to do such stuff. Remember last time when Dr Lin gave up his job as a high-paid doctor to be a pastor and to be a travelling volunteer, everyone in the family was like talking behind him,saying that its so stupid and so impractical, so unfilial and stuff...But how many people truely understand the feelings and passion of some people who realli wants to make a difference to other people's life, especially those who totally had no ability to change their own fates, and those that most people wunt even care abt these refugees's lives and death.
Hmmm....mayb after A's or something, see if i can tag along wif my uncle to do some missionary work somewhere. I realli hope i haf the chance~

yurpz, after that 9p.m, watch my favourite chi show, a child's hope II, haha another inspiring show, the last season of this show a few yrs ago make me set my aim to take up psychology, so that next time can be a counselleur to help people, juz like the jinghao in the show, people tell me that those jobs as counselleurs dun get a good pay and its tough job, haiz....though i noe that i dun mind, but practicallity wise, still haf to consider it. Dunno why i believe that as long as one have the passion to do something, other factors will not matter, but i seem to make the practicallity of it affects my determination towards it. Am I not passionate about it enough? I dunno.

Yeah~ another thing in the show, see all the kids suffering from all the illnesses, sometimes realli hope i can do something for them. Sometimes thinking, if these kids do not the support from their family and from their loved ones and from those volunteers, their lives would definately be so grey. I realli tink im lucky to haf a normal family and lead a happy life. A Quote from the show, ' Happi or not, we must live on. So why not live a happy life.'
Yurpz~ So, i must learn to not grumble so much and appreciate everything around me. Be happy for everything around me and learn to understand people from other's point of view. Hehe` live would be happier live this i hope~ =)

WAhz~~!! Shin juz called to ask mi if im going down for the party at Centro 2nite!!! damm! so tempted to go~ but nvm I shall resist temptation and mugg for now` jia you! Chris!!!ARGH~

You have a free soul! As all the souls go, yours is
the most free-spirited and adventurous. You
like camping, hiking, or interaction with other
people. Your a social butterfly, but not
because of your style, but because of your
willingness to communicate with everyone. You
probably have close friends who can rely on you
because you always seem to know whats going on
in the world. You love music and are
free-spirited and someone fun to be around. A
born leader and great explorer-dont ever
change-the world needs more people like you.

What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

Pink:
You see the world in bright pink. The world is a
happy, happy place! You love all people and
things!! Life is great! You're just like a
happy child. Spread the cheer.

What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

||| r e f r e s h e d |||

2004-06-16T02:51:00.000+08:00

||| r e f r e s h e d |||

YEAH~~!~! Got a new blogskin~ Haha nice nice...I like!!! Spent pretty a long time personalizing it as much as possible. Hehe Though I still got a lot of things i want to add on, like msg tagboard, counter, music etc. hee~ Oh yar! and i want to learn how to link ppl's web to mine and nice webbies i like~

Haha never knew i could do all this. Tot i've always been a computer idiot. But realli feel quite proud of this new blogskin look. lolz~ Not like im gonna let a lot of ppl see it~ but aniwae,I myself see liaoz happy can liaoz...

Yeah~ 2nd day of the third week of hols liaoz and im still pretty nowhere. Realli need to buck up manz!!!!

Went school 2dae to study and saw the 27th moving into the council room. They were busi packing and cleaning up the place. Look at them, no longer from the inside out, but now from the outside in. The feeling is so different. Im definately gonna miss that small junky room full of memories.

Haha~ yurpz, can realli see that the 27th were realli excited, just like us one yr ago. Can see them put in a lot of effort to pack and clean the room. But there are still certain things that they haf neglected. Nvm, tats y they are always there to learn. Jia You~ 27th!

What attracts people to you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You should be dating a Gemini
21 May - 20 June
This mate is inquisitive, entertaining and
charming, liberal, broad-minded and youthful.
Though Gemini has a tendency to be impatient,
gossipy and sometimes irritable, this twin has
the ability to expresses his or her pent up
emotions during sex!

What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
brought to you by Quizilla

[[[[[ last day of 26th student council room ]]]

2004-06-15T03:49:00.000+08:00

[[[[[ last day of 26th student council room ]]]

Today went back to school to pack my stuff from the council room. Dug out all the junks from the aesthec cupboard and found so many documents and other crap of last time's project, Orientation2's logistics, Council Camp Programme, all the past designs i scribble for council etc. Haiz....realli comming to the end of the council term, can't deny it anymore. It seems juz yesterday that im cracking my brain for designs for our council board and council tee. So fast. Council days passed like its just yesterday. Stare at the council room thinking that next time it will not be my council room anymore. Think im realli gonna miss it. Feli's right. No more place for us to gather imprompto as council animore. Gonna feel veri lost when school re-open, no place to go before assembly when i reach school, no place to hang-out during breaks, no place to go after school. Gonna haf lesser chance to sit down, tok crap and gossip with the councillors like what we used to do. Im gonna miss those days. Realli. Gonna be a lost sheep in school, with no sense of belonging like i used to have.

Suddenly this emptiness in mi. Don't realli want to show it, but it realli matters to mi and I noe no matter what i have to accept it.

After i pack my stuff, went over to SL to study. So many councillors inside there. Look at that, is that gonna b the last time we sit together like that to study? I hope not. I will miss the company of everyone of u. Gonna say I love everyone of you before I don't haf a chance to do so anymore.

Yurpz, 2dae went Shawn called mi up to confirm tuition time, she sound so stressed up. Hope she's okay~ Jia You Shawn! Dun so stress, I noe u can do it!!! Tink its just a period that most A level students have to go through. And was msging Clarx on ICQ 2dae, he's rushing with the aesthec council's CD-rom as well as the investiture presentation. Jia You dude!! the whole aesthec's behind you~ We noe u can do a great job!!! Oh yar~ and Raymond is sick too~ Tink he caught a cold.take care! Dun mug so hard and forget to rest yea~

Aqua! Your eyes are Aqua! You're a very energetic
and fun-loving person, although at times you
can be mellow. Your friends love you! Try not
to let your need to have a fast heart rate ruin
your health.

What Color Are Your Anime Eyes?
brought to you by Quizilla

Rafael. You're most like the ArchAngel of Healing.
You want people to shape up, and you nag. But
you mean well, and you're well loved despite
it. Or because of it. You bring the donuts
even as you tell people to eat more veggies.

Which ArchAngel are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

||||| j u z . a n o t h e r . day ||||||

2004-06-14T00:44:00.000+08:00

||||| j u z . a n o t h e r . day ||||||

hmmmm....sun, pretty nice day. Woke up early to go swimming wif junmin. Hahaha...feel fit from the start of the day. Mayb next time i shall go swim more often. Last time had a plan to swim every tue, thur, sun and go gym every mon, and fri for the hols but apparently didn't realli stay by my words. Its realli tough to haf the discipline to drag myself out of bed every cosy morning manz~

Aniwae yar junmin was funni, as usual. Tried so hard to get tanned by finding mi to go swim wif her. But in the end its always mi who get chao-ta and she still got no reaction. (And i always try so hard to dun get tanned somemore!)lolz~
Mayb its juz human nature that we are never satisfied with what and how we are. hahha.

Aniwae, yeah~ then went on to mugging again. Mugging session. 2dae went Dad's new office to mug. Pretty cool place since its like so deserted and new, got no temptaion. So i guai guai study. And it was quite efficient!!! hahah~ mayb next time shld do that more often.

oh yar!! and 2dae, got pretty irritated by --. Keep asking mi to go pub wif him ever since yesterday. But i seriously dun feel like going lorz!!! At tis pt of time when im supposed to be stressed over my studies, ask mi to go one on one pubbing, a bit the ... lorz. Yar dunno why he's been trying to ask mi out almost everyday. Haiz, if i ever gave him the wrong impression that im interested in him~ im realli sorrie. U'R NOT MY TYPE!!!!

Haiz watever, sometimes can't relationships juz stay as simple as friendship? Well, at least its the oni type of relationship so far that i see it as can be genuine and lasting. Watever, i dun want to let relationship make mi trouble at this time of my life. Got not enough memory space in mi for all this crap liaoz. Watever will b mine will be mine, no pt worrying or crave over it.
Life still goes on. =)

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

BLUE

You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive.

Find out your color at Quiz Me!

<<< dreams are not reality >>>

2004-06-13T02:20:00.000+08:00

<<< dreams are not reality >>>

Not a bad saturday. At least im not stuck at home the whole day staring at my notes. Went ikea and spotlight with xinhui today to shop for inspirations for the packaging of the council yr-cd. Hmmm... dunno why creativity didn't realli flow in my brain 2dae. Didn't realli manage to come out with any realli fresh or beautiful ideas.

Haiz....realli wan to do this last project of mine a great success. Its gonna be my last work piece as the creative director and its gonna b aesthec's final gift to the council. Our days left in council doing all this stuff is limited. Mayb its juz mi and my perfectionalism. I either don't do it, or i will do it great. And i've set my choice on the later. Gonna gif my last dash on this remaining bit of the june holidae to finish this project well as to catch up with my studies. Jia You Chris!

Blarz. Noe its gonna be easier said than done. It always happens to mi. Im so sick of it. Realli want to stay by my words but can oni pray that i can manage to perserve on and push thru this tiring and tough period.

Yea~ juz finsih watching the Euro 2004 Portu vs. Greece match. Wat a boring game. But unexpected win by Greece with a 2:1. Hmmm...tink most people had expected Portu to win ( alreadi noe that Zhiyang and Yee Cheong lose $ on their bets). Haha~ My sympathy to them.

Not so much on the game. but dunno why, everytime i watch sports games or matches, it always brings mi back the memories of gym days. The days where im proud to be a sports girl for st'nicks, wearing those beautiful leaotards and sch track suits into the competition ground, giving my best and even my life into training, juz for one aim to win nationals. Miss those days. At least for then, life has a goal and something that i look froward to acheive veri badly. Bet my determination and self-discipline then was like much much much much better then now. Then, all those ups and downs realli make mi feel like an ultimate winner and as well a super loser. But then im always able to pick myself up again.

Now, I don't realli noe who i am animore. No longer posses those qualities I have last time that im proud of. Haiz...I tink i've changed a lot. Not saying for the better or for the worst, but juz changed. Like a floating leave in the the authum, i want to fly, fly and explore to find myself back.

Christine was
an Athletic Guidence Counselor
in a past life.

Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

2004-06-12T04:11:00.000+08:00

- :: + gEt a LiFe + :: -

..:: mesmerized by the dazzle of the stars ::..

2004-06-12T02:54:00.000+08:00

..:: mesmerized by the dazzle of the stars ::..

Boring Day! This june holiday is realli super dry and dead manz! Not that there's no activities but i can only treat them as devil's temptaions. Supposed to be a good girl and stay at home and catch up with revision. ARgH! Its realli torturous for hyper-active brats like mi manz. AHHHH!!!! Can't wait for A's to be over!!!!

Haiz...complain so much. Now alreadi and of the 2nd week of the hols liaoz and my revisions are going nowhere. *sOb* Frankly speaking, im getting a bit tensed and annoyed with myself. Why am i juz so inefficent and not motivated when it comes to academic??? An its something i can't escape!!! Mayb Andre is rite in some sense that since im so enthu in every other thing other then studying, jc is realli not the path for mi.... haiz...but too late... no point crying over spilled milk now. Can only make do with watever it is and make the best out of it!!! Go Chris! jia you!

Yeah~ basically 2dae did nothing much. Wake up super late ...then study study study. Went for blood donation at Mandrain then went for math tuition. Only at tutition then i realised i've forgotten so much of my work manz!! PANIC!!!

Haiz..hope for the remaining 2 weeks, i can realli focuse and speed up my revision manz...if not im dead!!!
.:: How Chris feels::. Stressed and Panicking!!!

2004-06-10T03:13:00.000+08:00

+ life. the beach beyond the wide horizon +

-=+ the swirl in my head. on this silent sleepless nite +=-

2004-06-10T02:40:00.000+08:00

-=+ the swirl in my head. on this silent sleepless nite +=-

think im realli getting weirder. 2:30 am in the middle of the nite and im here creating a new blog.can't sleep. haha. can't remeber tis is my no. wad blog. all my previous blogs are all now lost and dead. i can't even remeber it myself. (except for my personal private wanz) although im like not veri into tis type of public blog but juz suddenly haf tis urge in mi to create wan to throw out every thoughts that has been running in my head. hope tis time tis blog of mine will last.

haiz.....life has been so such a rush. so fast and now everything is already juz memories. so many things happened and so many things changed.my sch life. council. volunteering. my family. my passion. my dreams. my plans. the ppl arnd mi.even mi myself. i dunno.if only i can catch them back one by one. if only i haf juz one more chance to go back and change everything. would i haf taken a veri different path? i dunno...i realli dunno.

aniwae tis is juz a start of for this blog of mine. where im going to throw juz anything and everything here. hoping that tis can b some form of flashback for myself....

-=l o s t . i n . m i=-

I hate the night as much as i hate the day.

I hate this world!

werid phenomenums.

-crumbled world-

woahz! im so surprise im back.

::: Im old :::

--- Recalling the past 1---

:::: Unexpected post ::::

---我不够爱你---

----i don't know what to say....----

-= merely thoughts =-

-== e x p r e s s o ==-

----Boo...-----

_t u r n i n g____. c r a z i____

+ -= r e b i r t h =-+

|||| p e r s p e c t o g r a p h y ||||

---===== m y . l i f e ======---

#-#-# m a m b o c r a z e #-#-#

council sentosa outing!

-Shin's bdae party at Penthouse-

NTU Open House

---- day of lost dreams------

||||| c o n f u s i o n s |||||

-quizes-

--s h o r t & s w e e t --

+-The . A's . Dilemma -+

------ d i s a p p o i n t m e n t ------

+#+#+#+# h o l y s u n d a y #+#+#+#+

*-*-*-* c o u n c i l o u t i n g *-*-*-*-*

+*+*+*+* s e n t o s a o n c e a g a i n *+*+*+*+

><><><> k a i . x i n <><><><

>+<+>+< c e d r i c >+<+>+<

*^*^*^*^* Happy Birthday Singapore!!!! *^*^*^*^*

++ my current no-life ++

++ Graceful Yet Mighty ++

!?!?!? w o r r i e d !?!?!?!

-= + :: s e n t o s a ::+ =-

>>>> |||| s i c k ||||<<<<

!!!!!!!!! B O R E D !!!!!!!!!

...:: || b l a r z || :: ..

!?@#$% w o o d s t o c k !?@#$%

**** s o b z ****

---<<< [ m i s s i n g y o u ] >>>---

:: :: :: >>>26th in memory<<< :: :: ::

>++++ Cristiano Ronaldo ++++<

/*\/*\*/\*/*\ f r i e n d s /*\/*\*/\*/*\

*** y a w n z ***

++ s c a r e of the m o n t h ++

[ last . day . of . holz --> towards imprisonment of A's]

-::-+ i n s p i r e d +::-

++ :: l o v e ::++

------ bored. by. books!!!! -------

+++++ s e n t i m e n t s. +++++

- i n t o x i c a t e d -

||||| c r y s t a l . t e a r s |||||

....:::: d i s a p p o i n t e d :::::....

::~-+ i n s p i r e d +~ ::

||| r e f r e s h e d |||

[[[[[ last day of 26th student council room ]]]

||||| j u z . a n o t h e r . day ||||||

<<< dreams are not reality >>>

..:: mesmerized by the dazzle of the stars ::..

-=+ the swirl in my head. on this silent sleepless nite +=-

_t u r n i n g. c r a z i

--- c o u n c i l o u t i n g --*--

++++ s e n t o s a o n c e a g a i n ++++

^^^^ Happy Birthday Singapore!!!! ^^^^

s o b z

/\/\/\/\ f r i e n d s /\/\/\/\

* y a w n z *